needy

I’m not enjoying Kate being away. It’s day 4 now. Yes, it’s fabulous for her and what an opportunity and wow she has become so independent and shoo wee how proud of her we are. Yadda yadda yadda. I bloody miss her. I’d be cool if I could just text, you ok? and get yip back with a smiley face. I really do hope she is having a fabulous time. But it’s just weird not having her home, especially knowing its for one whole month. And that I can’t talk to her or text her or message her. I’ve always been prone to instant gratification. Now has always worked for me. Ask B. And I miss my nightly teeaaaa please. And bloody little shit should have written a letter by now surely. I mean the australian postal system is so fabulous, isn’t it. I just want to know she’s ok. And that she has all she needs, that she’s sleeping ok, that she’s eating ok, that her friends are being kind, that the camp leaders are ok, that she’s not too cold, that she’s not too hot, that she gets to have her tea at night, how the cooking’s going, where the bathroom is, has she cleaned out the long drop loos yet, when does she go on her solo, are her torches working ok, is her sleeping bag cosy, is her throat still sore. Ok, so my control issues are still a little out of control. Do you think its a bit much if I ask the post office again how often they clear the post daily. I mean the lady I asked yesterday could have been a temp?

two hundred and six

B has always had odd yet strangely perfect nicknames for the girls, often to do with whatever was dominating his life or theirs at any given time. I remember Jem being Lampard for a long while, a chelsea footballer. There is no significance as B is actually an arsenal supporter. B’s current nickname for Kate is KinKin. Also no significance. Anyway, we are under strict instructions to write to Kate daily, and B’s offering today was mostly a logo design. With a small paragraph. And a shot of Usain Bolt. Kate will love it. I am grateful our daughters have grown up with creativity every single day. It is part of who they are. Damn that it hasn’t rubbed off on me, I wrote three very long pages. Full of love and daily shit, but not much creativity. It is part of who I am. And anyway Kate would never forgive me if I just sent her a logo.

cya

I had one of those life defining moments today. Actually more like stage defining. Kate left for Googa today, an outdoor education centre somewhere out there in Australia, for a month. No contact bar letters, no technology, no anything. They have to fend for themselves, washing, cooking, cleaning etc etc.  I was so proud of her. She hadn’t cried once in the lead up. No sleepless nights, no anxiety. Only excitement. And then she saw Isaac her friend as we arrived at the bus. And the tears started. The tears that ordinarily would have flowed on looking at me or B.  You know, moommmy. Daaddddy. That was the stage defining moment. In Kate’s life. And ours. The moment I turned to B and realised, as did he, we aren’t the ones anymore. I mean we always will be her parents and that will never ever change, we will always be there for her and she will always know that, but her friends get so much more of whats going on with her now than we do. She is growing and growing up and getting more and more ready to spread her wings and be independent of us. And I love her all the more for it. Because like everything else she does, she is doing it with grace and dignity. So much so that it took us both by gentle surprise.

two hundred and three

I have mentioned B fondly refers to me as Cleese. I tend to be a tad of a dork and am often the butt of jokes in our family. In a nice way. Today I was grateful to play that role as it had the girls in absolute hysterics at lunch as Kate was updating Jem on my most recent attempt at joining in with B and Kate’s witty repartee. In my mind my comment was so funny I was already giggling, but somehow it didn’t sound the same outside of my mind. They could have at least been nice about it. Instead of rolling on the floor. Oh well. I am very grateful for a fun moment on Kate’s last day with us. I will be the butt of any joke if it helps to keep the mood light just before our baby leaves us for a month. I love how excited she is. I am grateful for her newfound fearlessness. Her readiness now to embrace a new adventure. To find the fun. Even if it is sometimes at my expense.

two hundred and one

After my lemon drizzle disaster I am grateful for my new go to never fail easy as chocolate vegan cake discovered only a short while ago.  I made one quickly this am but forgot the baking soda so it tasted fab but looked flat. Very flat. So another. Third time lucky, I sent a cake off to school. Even Jem thought I was completely mad. I’m just a tad obsessive, and I’m grateful that I’ve finally made peace with that. And anyway, as you know, I love chocolate cake for lunch. And I shudder to think what a disaster our fair would have been if I hadn’t sent in a cake.

one hundred and ninety nine

 

Last night was quite intense in the Cawood household with much discussion over choices and options, soul searching over commitments already made and opportunities yet explored, and quite a lot of emotion from all. So today I am grateful for this moment of tranquility. And that B was there to share it. And if you look closely, my favourite pelican too, who always puts everything so beautifully in perspective.

one hundred and ninety four

I am grateful for a fifteen year old babysitter so B and I can both go on separate girls nights out …  I mean girls and boys nights out. And she’s clearly so happy to do it. She actually is. Really. Either way I am so very grateful.

one hundred and eighty eight

Jem was sensational as Alice. She truly amazed me. Amazed all of us. I am grateful she got the chance to find out what she’s capable of. To put herself out there. I am grateful for the love and support she got from her friends and most especially from her big sister. But I am especially grateful for the fact that Alice’s mom can finally get a good night’s sleep tonight.

one hundred and eighty seven

 

Today I am very grateful Jem takes more after B than me in temperament. She debuts as Alice in her schools musical, Alice in Wonderland this evening, and is utterly calm. No sleepless nights, no need for rescue drops, no fighting with mom because we’re both stressed as. Its all so wonderfully calm. I am grateful for my other little teacher, who just takes it all in her calm, sweet stride. Who keeps its all so beautifully in perspective, never taking life or herself too seriously. We are so proud of you our angel child Jemma and really do hope you break a leg. Two things I know for sure, we could never ever be prouder of you than we are right now, and no matter what, you will have fun. Because you always do.

one hundred and eighty four

 

I think, in fact I know the girls are getting a tad irritated with me constantly whipping out my iphone to capture a moment I’m grateful for.This morning was just such a moment. And I’m grateful for it, because we were all in hysterics, with much screaming. I overheard the girls having a wonderful sharing moment in their bathroom, with Kate regaling Jem with some teenage drama (then she said he said I said etc etc). I was grateful for such a wonderful sisterly bonding moment that I knew at any point could revert to the more common sisterly squabbling that I thought I’d capture it. As I gently pushed open the bathroom door, iphone at the ready to take a shot, the girls squealed in horror and closed the door on me. I of course pushed back on it and Kate and I ended up having this pathetic weak from giggling door pushing thing. I gave up and they locked the door on me. I stood quietly outside the door holding in my giggles. Their curiosity eventually got the better of them and Jem quietly opened the door. You can imagine the squeals and screams at them finding me quietly waiting there. In fact, I think they called me creepy. And weird. I am truly grateful for a really fun start to our day.