9 January. I am grateful for an unexpected cuddle from behind. And for a daughter who could feel my quietness.
I missed it. 3 January was my 5 years. I am officially 5 years cancer free. I was officially cancer free for 5 years, 2 days ago. The day I have held as my goal without really meaning to, yet yes counting and being subtly aware of. And I missed it. It was a damn important day for me, a day I wanted to mark and rejoice and give thanks and smile and be still and light a lantern and gently weep, looking up into B’s eyes with wonder and love at all we have achieved. Ohmigod, I think I’m going to vomit. And am seriously considering romance novels as my next outlet. But, how simply fabulous that I missed it. I love that. Even though I made B squirm cos he missed it too. I haven’t told him I had too. Well, I have now. Seriously though. Life is great, life is every day, every little thing every day is as important as everything else, nothing is more important, it’s just the importance we attach to things that makes them so. I am here, I am loved and I love. With all my heart and I am thankful and grateful for every day. And not especially for 3 January. I have grown, I am brave and I look forward to every day with courage and excitement and gratitude. As must we all.
1 January. I am grateful for a new year. Not because 2012 was not a year to celebrate, it was, for all the lessons learnt, challenges faced, decisions made, love shared and life lived. I am grateful for every moment. But I am looking forward to moving forward. To being less in limbo, to truly living what is, to making a real home for the girls and to even more love and laughter. Life is good.
30 November. I am grateful for new beginnings and precious traditions. It seeems the Cawood way to farewell old homes and welcome new ones, is with dear friends, heaps of champagne and an empty house, one filled with love and memories and the other with love and new stories yet to be told. I am grateful the girls are as excited as B and I at our next adventure. Our new chapter.