My last stay at the hotel not of my choice was as much fun as all the others. Doubly so because no rooms were available at the inn so I shared with a very obnoxious woman. Compassionately she was not dealing with the loss of her breast, I know this because she woke up and said I thought I’d be sadder than this. Her husband and her then spoke nonstop about their tesla, apparently it was broken into, their yacht, he needs more vit D it seems and half an hour on his yacht is not sufficient, their range rover. Anyway, it is annoyingly distracting trying not to hear when people speak as if you’re not in the room, but I felt my waning compassion return when it was apparent his life beyond that room mattered more as she said, stop arranging your social calendar, I just had my tit cut off. Harsh but true. He still only returned at two the next day. My returning compassion wavered a tad though as she treated the nurses like they weren’t there. But I did know two things. One, she just wanted to be seen. I am blessed with the presence of B. And I’m not meaning in a physical sense. I know how much pressure he is under and how much more pressure this puts him under and he is also who I rage against. Yet his presence is unwavering. And second, as my compassion welled up till I couldn’t breathe, she is at the start of a journey (still hate that word) I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Then again, I also relish the unbelievable learning opportunities she and her husband will encounter and hope it enables her to be seen and him to see her. And them to see others. The lesson in it all remains, see each other. Really see each other. And not only when times are tough. But at least then for fucks sake.

So, had my last surgery three days ago. I’m saying last on purpose with my middle finger up. My stylish Canadian plastic surgeon formed a nipple out of the back skin on my breast. It’s all crusty and enlarged and seems to be pointing in the wrong direction, but apparently it will shrivel and I must be patient. Some divots and dents have supposedly been filled in with fat from my tummy. My tummy is sore but I see once again no evidence of fat being transferred. To me my manufactured breasts seem unchanged but I know to give it time. I have a huge slash under my arm so I’m guessing that all wayward tissue has been successfully removed. I am biding my time. But I am done. Apart from some tattooing once everything is healed to complete the smoke and mirrors, I’m done. And in case I forgot all I’ve been through every doctor and nurse I encountered these past few days reminded me as I had to relay my history time and again. Some with dangerous head tilts. Some thankfully not. My goodness you have been through a lot, hopefully this is it. Hopefully it is.


3 thoughts on “done

  1. Hopefully it is Lianne. You are an incredible woman. Thank you for your courage to document your “journey” so eloquently. You make me laugh – and cry . Love and light gorgeous gal.

  2. Hello friend
    You really never stop amazing me, sorry that you have to go through all of this, I really am.
    You have defined grace and dignity and writing pieces that make me cry, cross, laugh and help me find some inner strength to deal with my trivia.
    Thank you. Love you. Think of you so much.

  3. From facebook

    Caroline Chart You never fail to amaze me with the power you give the written word. Love and admiration xx
    Lianne Cawood Probs need to rewrite sometimes before I post 😂, but thanks for reading and listening 😘

    Lynn Loopuyt Barker Love and love ♡ Hopefuckingfully 🖤
    Lianne Cawood ♡ ♡ ♡

    Kerry Solomon This is it. And so it is. Love to you Lianne. ♥️

    Heather McNeice You so deserve to be done with all of this xx
    Lianne Cawood Ag, it is what it is hey. Grateful that I can at least do something 😘

    Ilona Schreuder So happy you’re done Lianne ❤️ just for the record …. even without surgery, some people’s nipples are facing the wrong direction ☺️☺️🙋‍♀️. Hope you recover well my friend and that you won’t be seeing the inside of a hospital or surgery for quite sometime. Now, can we please go celebrate our nipples and everything that goes with it ?
    Lianne Cawood Defs!! Ps point being if you gotta have surgery to have man made nipples surely they can at least look perfect. I would welcome any natural nipples pointing in any direction 😂♥️

    Shelley Hopkins I fucking love you chick 🖤 #🖕🏿 x
    Lianne Cawood And I fucking love you🖕🏿

    Nonina Ferreira This is it👏🏻 so it is said 🙌🏻 so it is done🙏u amazing soul 😘

    Corrie Medhurst

    Susie Pitts My mum had a saying – Good riddance to bad rubbish – so true. I can’t help but feel for the Telsa lady, at the beginning of it all. ❤️❤️
    Lianne Cawood Me too. Couldn’t breathe for thinking of what she must now face. ♥️
    Lianne Cawood Ps hers was the range rover 😂

    Carolien Bosman

    Megan Clausen So much love to you brave and beautiful girl 💕💕💕

    Adrienne Hoberman

    Leigh Thomas Heal well girl friend 💋❤️

    Angie Barnard-Engelke Thank u for sharing your journey with us all. It is once again very generous!
    Hoping this is the end too.
    Lianne Cawood Love to you Ange. ♥️

    Karen Murray Lianne Cawood here’s to all Done!! Always loved your spirit and your humour! 😘

    Ally Allyson Penfold Lianne Strength,GraceandDignity.YOU 💛

    Urshela Schutte

    Claire Peters Amazing Lianne – you’re one inspiring lady xx
    Lianne Cawood Then we’re a good pair Clairabelle ♥️

    Tamara Duran Me goodness Lianne Cawood… phenomenal, your transparency and clarity … what I blessing to be as present as you are. Well Done Woman!

    Ann Warsop Please write a book. Your story should be heard in every language possible.

    Janine Hunter I agree with Ann! Write a book – I love the way you tell your story – through it all. You still make us smile. Heal well. Thinking of you xxx

    Kath Anderson The impact you’ve had on so many people with every single word you’ve written during this painful journey is raw and honest and humbling Lianne. I’ve learnt that every moment of every day is empowering and beautiful. 🖤 Love and hugs. 🖤

    Lianne Cawood Thanks for your humbling comments as always at my ‘vomiting’. It’s I who am grateful to you all. ♥️

    Kerry Solomon I love your sharing Lianne. Your writing is superb, but more than that it’s a privilege to be let into a person’s inner workings. Thank you 🙏🏼

    Geraldine Hartley You are a gift to humanity Leanne Cawood and have been so tenacious on this journey. Please keep writing though through your seasons to come – I love reading your words X

    Deborah MacCourt Roberts Hopefully it is 🙏🏼 thank you once again for letting us in Li. Looking forward to a new chapter in your writing ♥️

    Joanne Warren Marsden You’re an amazing woman Li and always so inspiring! 😍 Just love your openness, positivity and compassion for someone whose persective and priorities will hopefully change along the journey she faces. Hope her husband’s perspective will change too….. Sending big loves to you ❤️

    Gillian Freimond Rightford Hoping the next hotel is of your choosing with a better room mate. Lots of ❤️

    Theresa Milne You can’t ever say your life hasn’t been eventful. What a pile of steaming crap you have waded through while at the same time raising and maintaining a wonderful family, conquering new shores and having incredible friendships. You are unstoppable. But I think life owes you a bit of a break now. Here’s hoping you can soon put it all behind you. Much love xx

    Leanne Angel Braithwaite So glad you are done now. It’s been a relentless ordeal. (Trying not to use word ’journey’). Love reading your blogs. The last sentence of your first paragraph is so true. I’ve been there, unseen, and it’s horrible and unforgivable. Especially since we really need it in the tough times. You definitely should publish them. Purely for those of us who need to understand what you are really, really going through with breast cancer and of course and most importantly for those going through it. Not everyone has the inquiring mind you have and you have a wealth of info to share. What a toss for not giving you the perfect nipple though! 😜😜 lots of love ❤️ 💕

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