three hundred and thirty five

lindt teddy


15 December. I love my daughters. And I held them a little closer in my heart today, like I’m sure everyone did their own children. I am so very grateful my children are safe and at home, I wish with all my heart those tiny little souls and their courageous carers were too.


B came home at 4.30am last night. I am grateful that he and I met in advertising so our lives together are punctuated by both of us keeping ridiculous hours to meet ridiculous deadlines. I am grateful because I get it. I know many of my friends never did. I think they thought I was either the most trusting or the most stupid of partners. But mostly I am grateful because he came home. I was feeling a tad miffed to be honest and then I heard about a very dear friend’s brother. Who isn’t coming home. All my love and strength goes out to his wife and two very young children and my friend for what lies ahead. Sadly, but realistically, it takes such fundamentally sad events to make me realise once again how much I have to be thankful for. And to remind me how impermanent things are. That’s not frightening, it just is. So I am grateful B is here. For now. And will continue to celebrate every single moment we have together, even when I hate him, because it will end. And because right now I am the lucky one.


I feel a little sad today. And I know that’s okay. I also know why I’m sad. Because my friend is. And I don’t know how to help her. And because I know only she can help herself. And I feel a little guilty. Because the very thing thing I take the most for granted is the very thing my friend does not have. And so badly wants. I know this because she told me.The stability of us. Of B and I. It seems so cruel to give advice on how lucky she is to have what she has, and to be so grateful for what she has been blessed with, from the comfort of my solid unit of two. I am grateful to her for reminding me of the beauty of what we have. But I know, as I know she does, only too well, nothing lasts forever. So my promise to her, and to myself, is never ever to take us for granted again. To see the beauty we are. To see the beauty we have. But I only promise this, if she promises too. If she promises never ever again to give up on herself. To see the beauty she has. To see the beauty she is.