10 December. We have a lot of shit. A lot. I am so very grateful the apartment is finally empty. And that the cleaners were late because I had a quiet contemplative moment remembering and being thankful for a perfect three years. Although I simply cannot grasp it’s been three years. How did that happen?
I am grateful for our little unit. And for silver linings. No house help, no nannies, no gardeners and no family close by seemed like an alien world. And it was. But it’s a world where we are closer, are more present and are stronger as a unit. And not only because we have to be, but because we choose to be.
I am grateful for a hot shower. To turn a tap and have hot water pour out is a rare treat for some. An impossible dream for others. Yet I get to shower as and when I feel. I am so grateful for the daily treat, for the gift of water, of hot, therapeutic water, but especially for the time. The time alone, the time out, to focus, to calm, to think, to be grateful. And to plan.
Those who know me will have heard me saying, often, depending on what decision I’m needing to justify, that love for children, I believe is spelt t.i.m.e. I’m being self deprecating but I do actually believe it. Even though I’m not always very good at showing it. Nonetheless, for me, the notion of quality time is just that, a notion. When we decide now I have some time for quality time with my kids might just not be the time when listening or sharing or being is happening or wanted or needed. Obviously we can’t all be with our children when they wish or when its needed, but we can all try and be present when we are there. And try fill our time less. Just hang a bit more. Be still a bit more. Share t.i.m.e, aka love a bit more. Actually what got me thinking about this was this am as B tried to FaceTime with us. He is 8hours behind so for him it was midnight so he was quiet and gentle and wanted to chat to his girls. But his time for quality time was not theirs. Kate’s response was I’m doing my hair. And Jem was at band. And one might think he could have called earlier but he tried that the day before, and did get Jem, but Kate simply couldn’t open her teenage eyes. So to B’s credit, he just hung around on FaceTime, being in the morningness of home. It reminded me of how to spell love, and how tough this must be for B. Being away I mean. Because the one thing he doesn’t have with his girls is time.