I just realised I’m a bit of a fraud. I just had surgery. And it was cosmetic. Well, not really. Actually not at all, but it was a lift. Of sorts. An internal one. To my bowel. Shudder. I’m a fraud because as you all know I am a tad anti cosmetic surgery, because of how weird women ultimately end up looking. And I think women are beautiful, all women, old or young, just as they are. So now I’m wondering. It’s all just the same really. To stop the sag of life. In my case caused by childbirth, a lifetime on my feet and hastened by chemotherapy. You’ve just got to love how cancer is a gift that just keeps giving. I do try to embrace the passing of time and relish every little moment, punctuated by gratitude, but the last couple of days have been delightfully challenging. Those who know me well, know that I have privacy issues when it comes to that area of my anatomy. We all do, but it seems me more than most. Well, clearly no longer. And to be honest, do with me what you will, the knowledge that nothing sinister was lurking, made it all worthwhile. So, to anyone contemplating any form of surgery to rectify the sag, I say, go for it.
I had one of those life defining moments today. Actually more like stage defining. Kate left for Googa today, an outdoor education centre somewhere out there in Australia, for a month. No contact bar letters, no technology, no anything. They have to fend for themselves, washing, cooking, cleaning etc etc. I was so proud of her. She hadn’t cried once in the lead up. No sleepless nights, no anxiety. Only excitement. And then she saw Isaac her friend as we arrived at the bus. And the tears started. The tears that ordinarily would have flowed on looking at me or B. You know, moommmy. Daaddddy. That was the stage defining moment. In Kate’s life. And ours. The moment I turned to B and realised, as did he, we aren’t the ones anymore. I mean we always will be her parents and that will never ever change, we will always be there for her and she will always know that, but her friends get so much more of whats going on with her now than we do. She is growing and growing up and getting more and more ready to spread her wings and be independent of us. And I love her all the more for it. Because like everything else she does, she is doing it with grace and dignity. So much so that it took us both by gentle surprise.
I agree it’s not ideal to say fuck on the tennis court, even if it is directed at yourself. But especially not when the tennis court is at school. I know there is no need to swear and I could have said fooey as was suggested, but I didn’t. I do know it is a legacy left from a lifetime in advertising where swearing was everyday. And no, not to insult, or hurt but simply to explain, share, show strong emotion. Among adults. That is fucking awesome means so much more than that is awesome, or that is so awesome or that is very awesome. Or even that is bloody awesome. Everyone understands. I agree that some times it is just not ideal. But please whatever you do, don’t judge me by how I speak, but rather by who I am and how I behave. I am not frightened of words, but I am frightened of people who hide behind ‘nice’ words and judgements. I know awful people who never swear. I know fabulous compassionate kind people who swear. It is never meant to disrespect anyone, because for me it is just an adjective, a very descriptive word. But just a word. And yes, a habit. But, I could think of worse habits to have.