28 December. I am grateful for my mother’s smile. For her beauty, her grace and her presence.
26 December. I unwittingly tried to minimise change in my children’s worlds. Tried to protect them from the one thing they actually needed to learn to deal with. The one constant in the world we know. Change. I blame my control freak tendencies and forgive myself because my intentions were good, my motive was love. So I am grateful, so very grateful that I have learnt that whilst change can be painful, it can also be beautiful. If you embrace it. It is liberating, you grow from it, you learn a lot, not only about yourself but about others. And I most especially learnt what I was capable of. And not to be fearful. I know my girls have grown immeasurably too. I knew it for a fact today when I stumbled across this passage Kate had found meaningful enough in her book to capture. Things do change. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. I am grateful my girls know this. Really know it. And more importantly embrace it. Embrace the adventure of life, the ups and downs. And are learning not to take what they have right now for granted. And I’m grateful I no longer feel guilty they had to face fears I would rather they hadn’t, I now see it as a gift. To us all.
Jem turned twelve today. It just doesn’t seem possible that my baby is growing up. But she is. And beautifully. Jem has always been a quiet observer. She takes absolutely everything in. She sees so much more than most. She takes the time to be. She gets lost in being which is wonderfully compelling if a tad frustrating for her A type mom who aspires to be more like her. She has always stopped to smell the roses. And her roses always smell beautiful. Jem always sees the silver lining. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful kind teacher. A kind gentle funny soul who’s focus in life is peace. And always has been. World peace no less. Jem is complete if all around her are at peace. And ideally living in beautiful architecturally designed spaces. She has a wonderful sense of the aesthetic. Jem knows what matters. She doesn’t like conflict, but always stands up for what she believes. She is the champion of the underdog. She is kind, gentle, sweet, cheeky and quite mad. She has a fabulous twinkle in her eye, an innate style and is beautifully sensitive. She wants the best for everyone. She gets sad if others are sad, she feels happy if they are happy. She oozes empathy and compassion for every single living creature. The furrier the better. She is accepting of all, judging of none. She is cuddly and tactile and true. She epitomises still waters run deep. She has a depth to her I am so excited to still be discovering. She is capable of so much and brave enough to try anything. She is fearless. I learn from my exquisite angel child every single day and am loving watching her fly. She is truly and always has been one of a kind. Jem is the change I want to see in the world.
I am grateful for four letters today. To receive handwritten letters from my teenage daughter is such a wonderful treat. I can’t explain the feeling of holding the letters she has actually written. I am grateful for this experience, so we can all know the beauty of writing, sharing and anticipation. She says she is having a fabulous time. Not even raking sawdust in the long drop loos is putting her off. I am grateful that all is okay in her world. Because that means all is okay in my world again. I am so letting go. I am.
I am in awe of my daughter. Kate turned 15 today and I just so love the person she is and will continue to grow into. I can’t even be concerned that this might just come across as a mother bleating on about how fabulous her daughter is because that would make her feel good about herself. Because it genuinely isn’t that. Kate has so much to teach me. She just has an innate sense of self beyond her years, an innate sense of fairness, a kindness that is true, she is compassionate, she is incapable of untruths, she will never let anyone down, she is a friend to all, she forgives those who are unkind, she has no need for all to like her, she is who she is and will not compromise her ideals, her sense of fairness for anyone, even if it hurts her, she has a true grasp on her ego, she puts others before herself, she allows them to be who they are, she sees the good in all, she genuinely celebrates others success and talent without ever feeling what about me. My friends know how I worry a tad that she has no competitive edge, and she doesn’t. But that’s my stuff. She has no desire to prove she is better than anyone else, to prove she is good enough, because she is already so secure in who she is. She is noble and kind and stylish, filled with grace and never-ending dignity. She is bright, she is cheeky, she is ambitious but not greedy, she talks back, she has a twinkle, a naughty and fabulous sense of humour, she has a wonderful ability to laugh out loud, she is argumentative and yes a tad disdainful and dismissive of her parents and her sister, but appropriately so, with a love for us that oozes out her pores. I am so proud and so in awe of my daughter. I hope one day I grow up to be just like her.