Chatting to Helen into the early hours of today made me realise how blessed I am to have her for a mother-in-law. I am grateful for the relationship we enjoy. We discuss everything from the girls, to politics, to B, to religion, to computers, to pscyhology, to books, to education, to relationships. In fact, life. I value her opinion, not only because it is honest and informed, but because, even at 83, she is more openminded than most.
Isn’t it annoying when we do things expecting a certain response and we get a different one. So many positive preachers (and I mean this not in the biblical sense, and with a slight touch of sarcasm as in, do what I say not as I do) out there, myself included, offer the advice of have no expectations. Noble. But that’s what most of us do. We have expectations. And it bloody messes thing up. Things just don’t turn out the way we wanted. We expect people to think they way we do, to behave the way we do, to understand what we do, to share the same sense of humour, the same values, the same beliefs. Even though we say we don’t. In fact, I find it very offensive when people do assume I think like they do. So, why do I expect others to think like me? To share my views and values. To understand my motives. Every single interaction we have with anyone is affected by the stuff we and they carry around with us. As we intend it, is often not how it is heard. Sometimes it pisses me off that I can’t make everyone think like me. I can’t make them respond the way I want them to. But, they don’t. And I can’t. And, I may not always like it, but I do respect it. And I learn from it every single day.
Today I am so grateful to have a friend like Cathy. A friend who’s seen me at my worst. A friend who I know will always be there. A friend I met in fluffy slippers. A friend who knows no amount of emails can compare with one handwritten card all the way from home. A true friend.
I thought I had forgotten what it feels like to be a teenage girl. Today Arienne and I realised we hadn’t. After setting the world to rights, as we do, as we walk amongst the most spectacular scenery in the world, acknowledging it without pausing from our non-stop chatter, we went to Cafe le Monde as we do, for our workers coffee, saving a whopping 50c because we are locals, but damn how I love that. Not the saving, but the belonging. And the word, workers. The only difference was today, as we both went up to the counter to order, we looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes on the most beautiful mans face, and both forgot what we were doing there. Never mind that we are no doubt older than even his mother and are both extremely sensible women, we were completely and utterly tongue tied. Completely and utterly dumbstruck. I think both our hands pathetically went involuntarily up to our hair, as teenage girls do to preen. We finally managed to splutter out our order and once on the pavement, burst into peals of laughter, yes very very snorty laughter, not becoming of two mature nearly 46 and 48 year olds. Bloody pathetic. But what fun to be a teenage girl for one involuntary moment again.
I am grateful for gelato. Especially from Amo Gelato. Especially the belgian chocolate. And especially with three such gorgeous companions. Ice cream truly does make everything better. Even if just for a moment.
I admire women. In particular the strength they often aren’t aware they have. I admire men too, but I am in awe of women. Right now so many of my friends are going through real life changing shitty times. Weird. So many and at the same time. I do feel sad for them that they are having to suffer. But I have learnt that often that is what is required to facilitate change. To open our eyes. I am so very sad for them and for their pain. For everyone’s pain. But I felt a little bubble of excitement deep down in my tummy. I couldn’t understand why. And then I realised what it was. Excitement at the strength my friends are finding within themselves. Fuck, it is exciting. They are realising what they are worth and that they deserve better. They deserve to be treated as the wonderful fabulous vital women they are. Respect. My new rallying cry. Trust and respect. Yeeehaaaa.
I am grateful for Jem’s kindness today. She was the only one in my family who didn’t snort or giggle or do a mock tennis match sports commentary at seeing my excitement at receiving my first ever trophy today. So what if it was just for being the 2011 ladies singles champion of the monday ladies group. I bloody love it.
I am embarassed to admit that’s what I muttered under my breath at Kate this morning. That’s because she was being one. I’ve decided it’s better to mutter. The truth is, the minute your children turn 13, they change. Never mind how perfect they are. They change. Some more subtly than others. The tough part is, you don’t. My views are still the same. But now instead of illiciting fan mail and adoration from her, I get rolled eyes, back chat, walking away, you don’t get it, closed doors. I’ve raged, I’ve ranted, and not my finest hour, I’ve called her names. Aloud. But all I get is that look that makes me feel exactly like that idiotic person I am actually being. That holier than thou look that says she would never stoop so low. And she’s right. So, now, I turn away and mutter under my breath. All with love, of course. And because I do know, sadly, this too will pass.
Today I am grateful for Bryan. Actually I am grateful for him every single minute of every single day. I just don’t tell him enough. I am grateful for his acceptance, his love, his honesty, his trust, his friendship, his time, his commitment. But most of all I am grateful for his respect.
Is how I felt in the face of someone’s pain. How to be, what to say, how to show I care. We have no idea what our friends are carrying with them. So, I did the next best thing. I poured. A lot. It could all be so easy if we just stopped. Stopped the lies. Stopped the interpretation. Stopped the need for interpretation. Stopped the expectation. Stopped the conditions. Stopped the fear. Imagine how it could be. Honesty. It might hurt but truth always prevails. And then will hurt even more. So lets be brave enough to be truthful. Be brave enough to stop the crap. We are so much more. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Why can it not be one guided by grace and dignity? Why can we not try to be better. Respect. Is that too much to ask for? We are all the same. Lets honour the goodness that truly is within us all. Is within you. My friend deserves so much more. So do we all. Ok, Sunday sermon over. Where is that damn bottle?
grace and dignity 