dignity

Mmmmm. I have now been accused of wanting to control. Well, this is nothing new. See control freak. I have been accused of being non Christian. I never professed to be anything but one that believes in good. I have been accused of being self absorbed. Well this is my blog. About me. I think we all are a little bit, and should be if we are on a journey of self discovery. I have indirectly been accused of not liking criticism. And no, I don’t. But then who does. And I do believe that those who criticise should look to themselves rather. But I especially do not like being criticised for sharing my views. For sharing me. I am not for one minute saying they should be anyone else’s views. They are mine, based on my life thus far, my journey thus far. My journey towards understanding why I am so controlling, so insecure, so quick to ignite, why I got cancer, how scared I am, how I try to be a good mother and wife and friend, but fuck up. Because I am not perfect, and if you know me, if you care enough to understand me, you would know that is the one thing I have battled my whole life to reconcile. The fact that I am good enough. So, this is all about being honest. And sharing that. And if that makes you uncomfortable, you have many choices. You could choose to no longer follow this arrogant, self absorbed, controlling, areligious African Queen’s blog. (Oh yes, I have been accused of being an African Queen. I am proud of being African, I am proud of where I’ve come from, I do not believe I am better because I am African, I just am)  Or you could choose to ignore the stuff you can’t relate to and think about the stuff you can relate to. Or you can choose to realise we all react differently based on our own realities. This is just mine. Not arrogant, not judgemental, quite self effacing and actually quite honest. I fuck up all the time. I forget my kids. I speak badly to my family. I envy my friends. I like people to look at me when they talk to me. I focus on what I don’t have rather than what I do have. Hence my blog. MY blog. I love to hear everyone’s views, but I am not keen on being bullied for thinking the way I do. How about you sticking your neck out and standing up for what you believe. My dignity is intact. Is yours?

useless

Is how I felt in the face of someone’s pain. How to be, what to say, how to show I care. We have no idea what our friends are carrying with them. So, I did the next best thing. I poured. A lot. It could all be so easy if we just stopped. Stopped the lies. Stopped the interpretation. Stopped the need for interpretation. Stopped the expectation. Stopped the conditions. Stopped the fear. Imagine how it could be. Honesty. It might hurt but truth always prevails. And then will hurt even more. So lets be brave enough to be truthful. Be brave enough to stop the crap. We are so much more. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Why can it not be one guided by grace and dignity? Why can we not try to be better. Respect. Is that too much to ask for? We are all the same. Lets honour the goodness that truly is within us all. Is within you. My friend deserves so much more. So do we all. Ok, Sunday sermon over. Where is that damn bottle?