I am grateful that there were two cars between me and the little maroon number who sneaked into the gap left for cars coming and going from prep at pickup today. Grateful because it gave me time to practice my patience and tolerance and compassion and not blast my horn at them. I am sure they had a good reason.
I think the rot might have set in. This morning was the second morning this week that I dashed across the road to the bakery. I must add I am extremely grateful to be living directly across the road from a bakery. Urban bliss. Well, Noosa urban bliss. The point is not the dash to the bakery, but the fact that I did it without having applied my dermalogica treatment foundation, followed by a light sprinkling of clinique translucent powder, followed by a generous application of max factor, I kid you not, mascara, followed by a gentle swirl of mac lipstick. And in my lorna jane gear wearing my havaiana thongs (slip slops for my SA friends, not my g-string, but that was on too, luckily hidden from sight) not my nike trainers and with my slept in hair hanging loose, not artfully scraped back to look like no effort went into it. I never ever do this. Even if I am meeting a friend for a 5am walk along the river, I will get up at 4am to ensure I am ready to meet the world. So, even when you look at my makeup free face, just know it took me some effort to look this unmade up. I am loving the fact that some little thing has clicked. I will always make a little effort but I won’t care so much if I don’t.
I told a friend about my blog today. I saw her think about it a bit. Then she asked, isn’t it odd to have your life exposed for others to see. I responded with it’s me who’s doing the exposing. It’s my choice to share. I suppose it is a bit confronting for some, but for some reason I’ve always been comfortable exposing myself. And any comments about advertising agency parties as a reply to this post will be ignored. By exposing I mean being generous in my response to questions. Definitely over generous. I’m not really sure why. Maybe I’m just self absorbed. I’m hoping it’s because I have nothing to hide.
I am so grateful today that I have access to skype, which for a moment brought my brother into my lounge. I feel so guilty that he is carrying the load of being the only sibling in town whilst my dad is needing our support. Seeing and sharing his frustration and hearing his chuckles made it so much easier to bear.
I am grateful both girls had a good first day back at school today. Neither were anxious, but am fearful the free spirit that is Jem is going to be affected by a teacher not so fondly referred to by her ex students as the screamer. But there is hope. Jem says she’s nice. And has decided she will not listen to everyone else. Who is the real teacher here?
This should probably have been filed under the grateful posts 365 category, post entitled eight. If only you read these posts in order and as I intended them. It starts at ahemmm and then follows by category, by day, some under stuff, a few under why and grateful posts daily under grateful posts 365. And no I am not a control freak. And maybe I do take myself a little too seriously. And yes I am learning to let go. Or perhaps I am being let go. On the way to school today for the start of year 10 for her, Kate said today is the first ever start of a new school year that she has not felt in the slightest bit anxious. Not one butterfly. This might not seem remarkable but to those who know us well, Kate has the distinguishing characteristic of having cried every single day on being left at school from the start of Grade 000 until midway through Grade 2. (That’s like two years of kindy, one year of prep, year 1 and year 2) Since then every change has resulted in significant anxiety usually heralded by sleepless nights and sore tummies and a very supportive mother yelling at her to pull herself together. That would be me, but in my defense, I lost my patience in the fifth year. So, I am not sure if it is simply age, or a combination of factors. One of them definitely being a harsh exposure to change (change her mother unwittingly had protected her from) and finding herself flourishing in a new world with new rules. A gentle caring less competitive self affirming world. Or maybe it’s just cos her mother has become less of a stressed out, I have to get to work, what am I wearing, hurry up I’m going to be late, fuck the traffic is a nightmare, lock all the doors, don’t answer my phone it could be Assie (my very senior client who has become a very dear friend) I’m trying to do everything and show everyone how fabulous I am, person. It has all become a little gentler, which is helping me to let go. A little.
I am grateful for the cup of tea Kate made me tonight. Not because it was tea, and not because I think I deserved it being the wonderful, never hung over, attentive mom that I am. But because I never asked. ‘Mum, (they say mum now, not mom, cos then they’ll be weird here where moms are mums), would you like a cup of tea?’ Sweet.
Being with heaps of South Africans last night made me think. Everyone knows I never wanted to come here and only did so because I was too scared not too. Scared of being the one not brave enough to embrace the adventure. And because I had no fight left in me. And because B believed so much in it. And only on the proviso that I could and believe you me, would, be going home in two years time. On the 15 may 2012 we will have been here for 4 years. Well, the girls and I, B will have been here for 4 years and 9 months but that’s another story. I am not sure when being here became easier than not being here. I think it was the realisation after many trips home that even though my heart will always be in Africa life there is moving on without us. And our life is moving on here. There truly is no going back, and I don’t mean geographically. So now I feel a bit like I don’t really belong anywhere. But then as Ilona and I realised last night, I actually belong in both places. And even better I’ve realised I simply belong. Less attachment. My world has expanded. How cool is that. Not sure how significant this is, but on 15 January 2012, 42 months since we left South Africa, I put my mac to oz time.
I am very grateful today that the brand B created has a black and white logo. I am grateful because it is youi‘s annual party tonight and the theme is black and white, I am hungover from last night and my wardrobe consists of only black. With a little white. And maybe a few touches of beige. And some grey melange. Love that word. But mostly black.
Today I realised I have 26 books that need covering for back to school on Monday. I am feeling a bit iffy today which might explain why I am so grateful for typo. They have books that are perfect for school and don’t need covering. Well, perfect for secondary. But I am grateful I only had to cover 13 books today.
grace and dignity 