Today I am grateful for a huge big smile.
Being with heaps of South Africans last night made me think. Everyone knows I never wanted to come here and only did so because I was too scared not too. Scared of being the one not brave enough to embrace the adventure. And because I had no fight left in me. And because B believed so much in it. And only on the proviso that I could and believe you me, would, be going home in two years time. On the 15 may 2012 we will have been here for 4 years. Well, the girls and I, B will have been here for 4 years and 9 months but that’s another story. I am not sure when being here became easier than not being here. I think it was the realisation after many trips home that even though my heart will always be in Africa life there is moving on without us. And our life is moving on here. There truly is no going back, and I don’t mean geographically. So now I feel a bit like I don’t really belong anywhere. But then as Ilona and I realised last night, I actually belong in both places. And even better I’ve realised I simply belong. Less attachment. My world has expanded. How cool is that. Not sure how significant this is, but on 15 January 2012, 42 months since we left South Africa, I put my mac to oz time.