Tag Archives: love

lost

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I sobbed this morning. Poor B, sitting in Sydney, could hardly hear the words between the gulps. And I have no real idea why. I’m feeling anxious. Not sleeping well. A little out of control and not in a good way. Very emotional. Very demotivated. And to be honest a little lost. I sat on my bench, regrouped a bit, got a little perspective and carried on. And that’s just life. Its not always a bed of roses, even when it is. I know how much I have, how much I’ve learnt and gained, and I am so filled with gratitude for everything and everyone in my life, but today I got lost in all I’ve lost. It frightened me how easy it is to do. But I had to write my grateful for yesterday. I had read about how a gratitude practice can open your heart and rewire your brain. It does. It really does.

two hundred and forty one

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12 September. I am grateful for the best pre dinner company ever. There is very little as uplifting or as contagious as girly giggles. Thank you sweethearts.

two hundred and thirty six

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7 September. I am grateful for a road trip to Brisvegas with the two best travel companions in the world. For loud music, teenage gossip, much laughter and the anticipation of seeing my sister and her girls. Not even the bad coffee at the halfway stop could ruin my day.

two hundred and thirty five

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6 September. I am grateful for laughter so deep and so pure that for that moment nothing else exists but a feeling of overwhelming joy. And for wonderfully spontaneous cheeky friends who are funny, wise and brave.

two hundred and thirty four

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Today I am grateful for more big smiles through bus windows and safe landings. Jem got back from her camp full of smiles, exhausted and happy to be home. I love having both my girls in their own beds. I’m a bit over whispering good night to empty rooms. At least now I won’t have to pretend I’m not.

two hundred and thirty one

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2 September.  B is a fabulous father. He encourages and enables. He loves Kate and Jem with every inch of his being. He believes so absolutely in them. He helps them to laugh at themselves. He helps them to be themselves. He teaches them to be kind, compassionate, patient, dedicated, genuine, authentic and fair. And funny. Because that’s who he is. I am grateful for the wonderful father the girls have, but I’m also just grateful for B. He does this for me too. Except for the funny bit. I’m just not.

two hundred and thirty

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1 September.  I am grateful that life has gone back to Cawood normal so quickly.  Kate and Jem had some loving sisterly chat which ended in Jem storming off to her room. After a while I went to check … and found her lying there having torn a toothpaste box into itty bitty little pieces and spelt out love with a heart, peace with a peace sign and happy with a smiley face. I’m not sure whether I was disturbed at the slight obsessive tendency emerging or grateful that clearly my bleating on about positive affirmations might have registered somewhere. I wish my sister was still at googa, I love, I choose peace, I am happy, this feels good, I love, I choose peace, I am happy, why am I in my room again, I love, I choose peace, I am happy, I know she loves me, I love, I choose peace, I am happy. Or something like that.

two hundred and twenty nine

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Today I am so very grateful for happy homecomings. For a brave daughter who has had a fabulous taste of the adventure that awaits her. And for the reminder of how precious and fleeting this time is. Right now life is back to as it should be. For our family of four. For now. And for that I am immensely grateful.

two hundred and twenty eight

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I am grateful for memories, for friendships that exist beyond this life, for the everyday reminders of those we miss. I will forever honour and respect the memory of my dear friend and her little angel every time I kiss my daughters and hold them close. I had to write a mother daughter letter to Kate and hand it to the camp leaders for an intensive girls night out session they were having this last week. A letter of affirmation, pride and for me, gratitude. In writing my letter I ended with the words to Martina McBrides song, In my daughter’s eyes.  It is my favourite mother daughter song, most especially because it was shared by my friend to farewell her sweet little angel and will forever sit in my heart. As will they.

two hundred and twenty seven

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I am grateful for an unexpected gift today. A just because gift. The very best kind. From an authentic selfless aware caring friend. The very best kind.