honest

Posted on by
6

This was my card from B. The small print says…But I really love you all of the time. Happy Birthday. Me. X. I won’t pretend it didn’t piss me off at first. It did. But actually, it was the perfect card. We have both been pissing each other off the last couple of days, just normal couple crap. And it is normal. To have crap I mean. This is the world we live in. Not in the other world that many only share. The world that makes you look at your normal relationship filled with good and crap and wonder what’s wrong with you. Why can’t you be so in love and nauseatingly happy all the time too. Nothing is wrong with you. As long as you are honest. So, if any of you have felt envious of B and I because we have the most fabulous of relationships. Don’t. We don’t and I honestly don’t believe they exist. Not if you are truly honest with yourselves and the real world. But, if you want to envy our honesty. You can. Because of that I am proud. It is what it is. Life is what it is. I wish people would just stop pretending. So, I love my card. It is honest.  A schmaltzy we are so fabulous aren’t we and you are the best person on the planet card, would not have been.  I don’t like B some of the time either, but I do love him, yes, all of the time.

twenty one

Posted on by
3

I am overwhelmed today. By B, by Kate and Jem, by my wonderful family near and far, by my friends, by the absolutely exquisite day today, simply by it all. I am so grateful that today I turned 46 yet I felt like a kid in a candy store. Overwhelmed by the beauty that surrounds me. (And yes that does include my new MacBook Air).

twenty

Posted on by
1

I am grateful today for lazy saturday mornings. My bed, a cup of coffee and vanity fair. Bliss. I love the fact that we all love pj days … in fact Jem and I had lunch in our pj’s today. I am grateful that we can just stop. Even if just for a morning.

time

Posted on by
1

A friend of mine who has only just started the journey we have been on for the past three years and eight months (I’ve finally stopped counting the days, hours, minutes and seconds) is struggling. She knows why it is right to be here away from family, friends and the familiar. So many of the same fucked up reasons we all share. I tried to reassure her that it does get better, that change is essential for growth, that her girls will love her for the resilience she is instilling in them without even realising it, that people who matter will always be there, and those that don’t will disappear, which will make it even easier to be here. And not there. But to be honest, the only thing that makes it get better, is the only thing she doesn’t have yet. Time. Time brings new shared experiences. Time enables you to find the friends who get you. Time makes you realise you don’t have to be polite anymore to be accepted. Those that matter will get you, even if like me, you have a potty mouth (the best birthday card ever, Susie, reminded me of the card the advertising agency I worked for did for me when I was going on maternity leave to have Katie … the headline was “Fuck, my mother’s in advertising!” Yip, I’ve always had a potty mouth). Time makes you realise things might not be the same here as at home, but often they can be better. You can be better. So, my friend, hang in, keep your heart open, but your eyes too, take one step at a time, don’t look back and you too will find friends that get you, here. The new you, ready for the adventure of the unknown.

nineteen

Posted on by
1

Today I am so grateful for tradition. The tradition of breakfast with friends for my birthday. I am grateful for it because tradition implies history. And shared history makes me feel part of this new life. But I am especially grateful because finally after nearly four years, I realised I am no longer holding my breath.

eighteen

Posted on by
1

Chatting to Helen into the early hours of today made me realise how blessed I am to have her for a mother-in-law. I am grateful for the relationship we enjoy. We discuss everything from the girls, to politics, to B, to religion, to computers, to pscyhology, to books, to education, to relationships. In fact, life. I value her opinion, not only because it is honest and informed, but because, even at 83, she is more openminded than most.

dammit

Posted on by
1

Isn’t it annoying when we do things expecting a certain response and we get a different one. So many positive preachers (and I mean this not in the biblical sense, and with a slight touch of sarcasm as in, do what I say not as I do) out there, myself included, offer the advice of have no expectations. Noble.  But that’s what most of us do. We have expectations. And it bloody messes thing up. Things just don’t turn out the way we wanted. We expect people to think they way we do, to behave the way we do, to understand what we do, to share the same sense of humour, the same values, the same beliefs. Even though we say we don’t. In fact, I find it very offensive when people do assume I think like they do. So, why do I expect others to think like me? To share my views and values. To understand my motives. Every single interaction we have with anyone is affected by the stuff we and they carry around with us. As we intend it, is often not how it is heard.  Sometimes it pisses me off that I can’t make everyone think like me. I can’t make them respond the way I want them to. But, they don’t. And I can’t. And, I may not always like it, but I do respect it. And I learn from it every single day.

seventeen

Posted on by
1

Today I am so grateful to have a friend like Cathy.  A friend who’s seen me at my worst.  A friend who I know will always be there. A friend I met in fluffy slippers. A friend who knows no amount of emails can compare with one handwritten card all the way from home. A true friend.

pathetic

Posted on by
1

I thought I had forgotten what it feels like to be a teenage girl. Today Arienne and I realised we hadn’t. After setting the world to rights, as we do, as we walk amongst the most spectacular scenery in the world, acknowledging it without pausing from our non-stop chatter, we went to Cafe le Monde as we do, for our workers coffee, saving a whopping 50c because we are locals, but damn how I love that. Not the saving, but the belonging. And the word, workers. The only difference was today, as we both went up to the counter to order, we looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes on the most beautiful mans face, and both forgot what we were doing there. Never mind that we are no doubt older than even his mother and are both extremely sensible women, we were completely and utterly tongue tied. Completely and utterly dumbstruck. I think both our hands pathetically went involuntarily up to our hair, as teenage girls do to preen. We finally managed to splutter out our order and once on the pavement, burst into peals of laughter, yes very very snorty laughter, not becoming of two mature nearly 46 and 48 year olds. Bloody pathetic. But what fun to be a teenage girl for one involuntary moment again.

sixteen

Posted on by
Reply

I am grateful for gelato. Especially from Amo Gelato. Especially the belgian chocolate. And especially with three such gorgeous companions. Ice cream truly does make everything  better. Even if just for a moment.