I just realised I’m a bit of a fraud. I just had surgery. And it was cosmetic. Well, not really. Actually not at all, but it was a lift. Of sorts. An internal one. To my bowel. Shudder. I’m a fraud because as you all know I am a tad anti cosmetic surgery, because of how weird women ultimately end up looking. And I think women are beautiful, all women, old or young, just as they are. So now I’m wondering. It’s all just the same really. To stop the sag of life. In my case caused by childbirth, a lifetime on my feet and hastened by chemotherapy. You’ve just got to love how cancer is a gift that just keeps giving. I do try to embrace the passing of time and relish every little moment, punctuated by gratitude, but the last couple of days have been delightfully challenging. Those who know me well, know that I have privacy issues when it comes to that area of my anatomy. We all do, but it seems me more than most. Well, clearly no longer. And to be honest, do with me what you will, the knowledge that nothing sinister was lurking, made it all worthwhile. So, to anyone contemplating any form of surgery to rectify the sag, I say, go for it.
Kate gave herself and me a big fright today. She had a fainting episode, or syncope, apparently. It was quite terrifying for her to experience. And me to witness. So today I am grateful for my daughter’s resilience in the face of a day of tests, for her growth, for our shared smiles as our eyes met in the various doctor’s rooms and for her pride at her ‘firsts’. I grateful for that little voice as I kissed her goodnight that stopped me at the door, saying, thank you mommy for driving me around today. Because whilst it was young and vulnerable, the choice of words weren’t. And the gratitude was sincere.
Jem turned twelve today. It just doesn’t seem possible that my baby is growing up. But she is. And beautifully. Jem has always been a quiet observer. She takes absolutely everything in. She sees so much more than most. She takes the time to be. She gets lost in being which is wonderfully compelling if a tad frustrating for her A type mom who aspires to be more like her. She has always stopped to smell the roses. And her roses always smell beautiful. Jem always sees the silver lining. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful kind teacher. A kind gentle funny soul who’s focus in life is peace. And always has been. World peace no less. Jem is complete if all around her are at peace. And ideally living in beautiful architecturally designed spaces. She has a wonderful sense of the aesthetic. Jem knows what matters. She doesn’t like conflict, but always stands up for what she believes. She is the champion of the underdog. She is kind, gentle, sweet, cheeky and quite mad. She has a fabulous twinkle in her eye, an innate style and is beautifully sensitive. She wants the best for everyone. She gets sad if others are sad, she feels happy if they are happy. She oozes empathy and compassion for every single living creature. The furrier the better. She is accepting of all, judging of none. She is cuddly and tactile and true. She epitomises still waters run deep. She has a depth to her I am so excited to still be discovering. She is capable of so much and brave enough to try anything. She is fearless. I learn from my exquisite angel child every single day and am loving watching her fly. She is truly and always has been one of a kind. Jem is the change I want to see in the world.
I am in awe of my daughter. Kate turned 15 today and I just so love the person she is and will continue to grow into. I can’t even be concerned that this might just come across as a mother bleating on about how fabulous her daughter is because that would make her feel good about herself. Because it genuinely isn’t that. Kate has so much to teach me. She just has an innate sense of self beyond her years, an innate sense of fairness, a kindness that is true, she is compassionate, she is incapable of untruths, she will never let anyone down, she is a friend to all, she forgives those who are unkind, she has no need for all to like her, she is who she is and will not compromise her ideals, her sense of fairness for anyone, even if it hurts her, she has a true grasp on her ego, she puts others before herself, she allows them to be who they are, she sees the good in all, she genuinely celebrates others success and talent without ever feeling what about me. My friends know how I worry a tad that she has no competitive edge, and she doesn’t. But that’s my stuff. She has no desire to prove she is better than anyone else, to prove she is good enough, because she is already so secure in who she is. She is noble and kind and stylish, filled with grace and never-ending dignity. She is bright, she is cheeky, she is ambitious but not greedy, she talks back, she has a twinkle, a naughty and fabulous sense of humour, she has a wonderful ability to laugh out loud, she is argumentative and yes a tad disdainful and dismissive of her parents and her sister, but appropriately so, with a love for us that oozes out her pores. I am so proud and so in awe of my daughter. I hope one day I grow up to be just like her.