period

So I went and saw my oncologist last week for another lets see how things are going visit. I’m liking her a tad less every visit. It’s that emotionally unavailable bit. And I get it. But I just need her to see me. Me. Not a cancer patient. Anyhooo I am trundling along, my bloodwork was good, my fatigue is lessening, I’m starting to make peace with and accept the side effects of the Aromasin. It just becomes your new normal. I have changed my mood stabilising meds, see what I did there, and psychobitch seems to be making fewer appearances, although my family might disagree.  I am delaying decisions re future treatment until next year.  2016 has done enough. I am finally getting at fifty that life is a series of commas. There are no full stops. And especially with cancer. It is not over. It never was over. I will never be able to say with certainty I am cancer free. So what am I you ask?  I am officially in remission, which is defined as ‘a temporary diminution of the severity of disease or pain’. Yay me. No seriously. It’s as good as it gets. There is no evidence of disease. For now. I am feeling more like me than I have in a very long time, psychobitch and my inabilty to remember anything vaguely important aside. But there is the reality of the ‘for now’. And all that does is remind me, and you I fucking hope, that it is all bloody temporary, the good and the bad. It will all pass. So celebrate every little good and seek it out, see it, and deal with the bad with as much grace and dignity as you can muster, because it is just a comma. Not a period. Period.

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jemma

Jem turned twelve today. It just doesn’t seem possible that my baby is growing up. But she is. And beautifully. Jem has always been a quiet observer. She takes absolutely everything in. She sees so much more than most. She takes the time to be. She gets lost in being which is wonderfully compelling if a tad frustrating for her A type mom who aspires to be more like her. She has always stopped to smell the roses. And her roses always smell beautiful. Jem always sees the silver lining. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful kind teacher. A kind gentle funny soul who’s focus in life is peace. And always has been. World peace no less. Jem is complete if all around her are at peace. And ideally living in beautiful architecturally designed spaces. She has a wonderful sense of the aesthetic. Jem knows what matters. She doesn’t like conflict, but always stands up for what she believes. She is the champion of the underdog. She is kind, gentle, sweet, cheeky and quite mad. She has a fabulous twinkle in her eye, an innate style and is beautifully sensitive. She wants the best for everyone. She gets sad if others are sad, she feels happy if they are happy. She oozes empathy and compassion for every single living creature. The furrier the better. She is accepting of all, judging of none. She is cuddly and tactile and true. She epitomises still waters run deep. She has a depth to her I am so excited to still be discovering. She is capable of so much and brave enough to try anything. She is fearless. I learn from my exquisite angel child every single day and am loving watching her fly. She is truly and always has been one of a kind. Jem is the change I want to see in the world.