Tag Archives: love

one hundred and nine

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I am grateful and so very very blessed to have a life partner like B. I am sad that we aren’t together today to celebrate his birthday but am still so very grateful that I have him, no matter where he is. I am grateful to be loved by and to love my best friend, my conscience, my lover, my hero, my truth. We are not perfect, but imperfect is perfect, because it is what it is. It is what we are. We are mad, we are volatile, we are harsh, we are impossible. But we are never indifferent. My wish for us, and for you, my angel, this year is peace. (It really is, but I also just wanted to share the pic Jem took of her peace word on her window. How cool is that.) I love you Bryan with all my heart, today and forever. And today and forever, I am so very grateful for you. (Oh and by the way, this is your birthday card.).

one hundred and seven

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I am grateful Kate couldn’t go to her tennis lesson this evening. I am grateful because I got to take her place. It poured with rain, Jem and I got soaked. But what fun we had. What fun I had.

tick tock

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Today’s the day it happened. Today’s the day my baby grew up. Tonight was the first time Jem spent her evening in her room, rather than lying on the other couch in the lounge with me. Or watching tv in the tv room while cuddling Jayde. Tonight she was in her room with the door closed. For the first time. With peals of laughter and much chatting going on. Without us. With boys and girls from her grade. I had to agree to her downloading Skype because all her friends have and because she’s never nagged me for anything. She’s graciously accepted my no’s to facebook and a mobile phone. But mostly because I’m ok with it. Skype that is, as long as my rules of whom and when are followed. But as much as I like to think it’s all on my terms, the fact is she spent the evening in her room. For the first time ever. With the door closed. I did pop in from time to time, as you do. But mostly, I just let her be.

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okay

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Is it just me? Is it just me who lashes out when they mean to do the opposite. Who pushes away when they want to be held? Who gets angry when they are really just sad? B has stayed behind in South Africa for a month. I said I was okay with it, because I am. But I’m also not. I hate him not being here. I joke that I never signed up to be a single mom, and it is a joke. Sort of. I am better at everything when he is here. I am okay with it because I now know I can cope with most things I may have to encounter. I am okay with it, because we need me to be. And I will make the most of it, as will he. And I will find the moments to remind me of how blessed I am, how blessed we are, and it will be okay. But just for tonight I’ll blame extended jet lag, late nights, sunday night blues, not speaking to B for a while for my sadness, and for me being tired of having to be okay.

one hundred and three

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I am very grateful for the spontaneous hug I was given by my newly 16 year old niece. I love our irreverent relationship, I love her sense of humour, I love that she gives back as good as she gets but I especially love that she can still cuddle like a 6 year old. And that she likes to cuddle me.

one hundred and two

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Today was a bit tough. A combination of jet lag and a zoladex implant into my stomach had me feeling a little sorry for myself. I am grateful I never asked for a rain check on pizza’s and Chandon. And friendship and laughter. It was just what I needed.

ninety nine

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23 April. We had a stopover in Jhb en route to Sydney. I am very grateful my family came to see us off. Mostly I am grateful for the pinches Anna gave Granny to make her smile which made us all laugh. And helped me hide the tears. It doesn’t get easier leaving, it just gets more familiar. I am grateful for the knowledge of future meetings. In truth, it’s the only thing that helps.

ninety eight

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22 April. I am grateful for laughter, for laughter so loud it’s almost madness. For memories of Mutt and Jeff and being called Linky. And for wonderfully irreverent colleagues who will forever remain friends. Friends who will travel over a mountain, catch up a lifetime in an hour, inspire you simply by who they are, share a bond in a minute, genuinely wish you happiness and contentment. And you them. Forever.  I am so very grateful for the support, love, irritability, hot flushes and honesty we share. And for having a friend who wrote the most fabulous cookbook ever.

ninety seven

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21 April. I am grateful for the perfect last lunch on the patio. For a connection between people I love. For a connection between my daughter and my friend’s daughter that was there the day they were born. I am grateful for a personal connection of the heart. With a friend who thinks like me, laughs like me, talks like me, dresses like me, swears like me, drinks like me, is a slave to coffee like me, explores like me, cries like me, talks fast like me, overshares like me, who wears black, biscuit and grey like me. I am grateful for my friend Leigh, who is a true brave heart and who encourages me to be ok with me, but also inspires me to be so much more than me.