It might be the yucky headachy low feeling I get after my zoladex implant thats making me feel a little sad today. But I don’t think it is. That just makes me grumpy. The sadness I think is what I’ve felt amongst the immense joy at Jem’s performance as Alice this weekend. Sadness that our family wasn’t there. I suddenly felt so damn far away again. It’s moments like this that piss me off. Albeit momentarily, then acceptance and yes, sadness takes over. I’ve made peace with it, I understand our reality, I am grateful for so much of it, but shit, sometimes I just want to cry. For me, for B, for my girls, for our family. For all the moments we are all missing out on. Moments like these are never to be repeated, can never be captured and would have been lovely to share with those who we matter to. I am sorry that I didn’t make more of a fuss about it with my friends here, to be our surrogate family. I’m understanding more and more that that is what eases the pain. A little.
Jem was sensational as Alice. She truly amazed me. Amazed all of us. I am grateful she got the chance to find out what she’s capable of. To put herself out there. I am grateful for the love and support she got from her friends and most especially from her big sister. But I am especially grateful for the fact that Alice’s mom can finally get a good night’s sleep tonight.
Today I am very grateful Jem takes more after B than me in temperament. She debuts as Alice in her schools musical, Alice in Wonderland this evening, and is utterly calm. No sleepless nights, no need for rescue drops, no fighting with mom because we’re both stressed as. Its all so wonderfully calm. I am grateful for my other little teacher, who just takes it all in her calm, sweet stride. Who keeps its all so beautifully in perspective, never taking life or herself too seriously. We are so proud of you our angel child Jemma and really do hope you break a leg. Two things I know for sure, we could never ever be prouder of you than we are right now, and no matter what, you will have fun. Because you always do.
I realised the other night to be taken seriously, in a networking context, you need a business card. Never mind how bad. It was hilarious as we all stood around with our glass or glasses of champagne the gap in the conversation when my friend and I didn’t whip out our business cards. And seriously it really doesn’t matter what it says, there were some doozies, but you’re nobody without a card. It was such a fabulous moment as my friend and I exchanged glances, fuck, what can we hand over so we’re not left out? I’m joking of course, we really couldn’t care but it was very funny. She offered her visa card but it was not accepted despite being of the most value. And I don’t mean only financial. Anyway, I’ve already started designing mine. Seriously can’t wait for our next event so I can hand mine out. It’s going to be a doozy.
A friend and I were chatting and the description ‘she is classy’ came up. But is she? What is ‘classy’? To my view a classy person is one who treats everyone with respect, treats everyone the same, no matter their so-called status. Who is kind, who puts others at ease, who isn’t brash, who values their own and others inner beauty as much as their outer beauty, who enhances what they have tastefully, who never displays their assets in a vulgar manner, be they physical or financial. Who is consistent, genuine, authentic and real. Who is honest. And especially who believes all are equal, who never ever believes they are better than anyone else. A classy person is most definitely not one who feels they are better simply because of the car they drive, the clothes they wear, the religion they follow, the job they do, the school their children go to, the size of their bank accounts or the area they live in. That, in my view is the opposite.
I am grateful for how little it truly takes to make me happy. I was in heaven today over a cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate cake. I had it with lunch, for afternoon tea and for dinner. I love how I convince myself that if I have a light meal, a piece of cake doesn’t count. It is the most divine cake. I found it by googling easiest cake recipe in the world. Genuinely. (I have a valid reason for doing this). And anyway its vegan so it’s okay to overindulge. Which means I can have a piece before bed.
I think, in fact I know the girls are getting a tad irritated with me constantly whipping out my iphone to capture a moment I’m grateful for.This morning was just such a moment. And I’m grateful for it, because we were all in hysterics, with much screaming. I overheard the girls having a wonderful sharing moment in their bathroom, with Kate regaling Jem with some teenage drama (then she said he said I said etc etc). I was grateful for such a wonderful sisterly bonding moment that I knew at any point could revert to the more common sisterly squabbling that I thought I’d capture it. As I gently pushed open the bathroom door, iphone at the ready to take a shot, the girls squealed in horror and closed the door on me. I of course pushed back on it and Kate and I ended up having this pathetic weak from giggling door pushing thing. I gave up and they locked the door on me. I stood quietly outside the door holding in my giggles. Their curiosity eventually got the better of them and Jem quietly opened the door. You can imagine the squeals and screams at them finding me quietly waiting there. In fact, I think they called me creepy. And weird. I am truly grateful for a really fun start to our day.
Kate loves skulls, its a fashion trend thing, lifesize candles, black skull candles a la Lara Bingle, necklaces, rings. I am grateful that she also still loves her fairies. Not a fashion trend thing, just a young girl thing.