It might be the yucky headachy low feeling I get after my zoladex implant thats making me feel a little sad today. But I don’t think it is. That just makes me grumpy. The sadness I think is what I’ve felt amongst the immense joy at Jem’s performance as Alice this weekend. Sadness that our family wasn’t there. I suddenly felt so damn far away again. It’s moments like this that piss me off. Albeit momentarily, then acceptance and yes, sadness takes over. I’ve made peace with it, I understand our reality, I am grateful for so much of it, but shit, sometimes I just want to cry. For me, for B, for my girls, for our family. For all the moments we are all missing out on. Moments like these are never to be repeated, can never be captured and would have been lovely to share with those who we matter to. I am sorry that I didn’t make more of a fuss about it with my friends here, to be our surrogate family. I’m understanding more and more that that is what eases the pain. A little.
grace and dignity
a life to be grateful for
grace and dignity 
The ache never lessons. But the joy of feeling so strongly is there too. Its what gets me through. After the grumpy that is! x
Agree absolutely … the worse thing would be to stop feeling …. and I know sometimes that can be a solution … but clearly not for us. xxx
I totally get what you feel. Make your surrogate family count. Mine have made my life so much more than if I had not included them. The love we share has become as strong as blood family. My girls have surrogate grandparents and people they call cousins and they all care about each other even though they are grown up now.. Think of the blessings. It works both ways… The pics are stunning what a great production
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Thanks Lynda … and you are so right. I’m just realising more and more what a private person I really am, despite my oversharing (hee hee), I find it hard to let someone right in. I often feel why would they want to, don’t want to impose etc etc. I know a lot of my south african friends feel the same way … an interesting thought to explore …. why do we feel so apologetic all the time. x
I too have found that my privacy needs were higher than I thought. Speaking my feelings out loud and answering questions online is much easier than in person though.
I suppose it’s a neat barrier …. can still control who gets in?? Or is that me projecting?? x
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Heather McNeice, Mal N Carole Kerwin and 5 others like this.
Kerry Solomon Relate! Sending you hugs and love xxx
July 23 at 5:42pm · Like
Samantha Yates Schroeder Ditto ditto ditto…. xxx
July 23 at 5:43pm via mobile · Like
Geraldine Hartley How this resonates it’s the same feeling when you welcome another precious miracle into the world and those we matter to don’t get to see his gorgeous smile and his cockatoo style black hair and the almost daily change in him that we do! Big hug x you are not alone in this sentiment
July 23 at 8:56pm via mobile · Like
Jennifer Montgomery Spotts Completely get this. And yes, surrogate families do help a lot…you were part of mine! 🙂
July 24 at 12:42am · Like