12 September. I am grateful for the best pre dinner company ever. There is very little as uplifting or as contagious as girly giggles. Thank you sweethearts.
I am grateful for that moment today after I had emptied my bag three times to find my car keys, retraced my steps mentally trying to figure where I’d left them, planned how best to physically do it, lost my breath as the reality hit home that I had really lost my keys somewhere, that I remembered my car was at the car wash and they had my keys. And that was why I was having a coffee because I was too early to fetch the car. I am hopeless. The up side is the wonderful feeling I get when I do finally remember. That moment for which I am so very grateful. It’s like playing a secret game with myself. But I know one day it will elude me. So today I really am grateful for those aha moments. How wonderful they are.
Ok a little rant. Why always woolworths? I’ve just had an interaction that has seriously left me dumbfounded. Am i losing it? It’s my little niece Anna’s birthday in South Africa, which is eight hours behind us. We had been trying to get hold of her to wish her before she left for school. The girls were trying to call from home while I quickly popped into Woolies. I was second in the queue to pay as I heard the very distinctive viber ring in my bag. Only my family from South Africa call me on viber. I knew it must be little Anna. I grabbed my phone and said hello. The sweetest little voice answered. I with a voice filled with love said, my angel, happy happy birthday my littlest love, looking up as i spoke. To meet the stony flint eyes of my cashier as she shook her head at me with disgust, turning to the next lady in the queue and shaking her head at her too, as if can you believe this woman. I was so thrown. Thankfully the viber call dropped and I turned to the 40 something lady, who had clearly heard the content of my conversation. I beg your pardon, is there a problem I asked? She said, I was trying to say hello to you and you answered your phone, how rude. She was trying to say hello to me as I took a call from my little niece in South Africa being utterly oblivious to anything but that wonderful moment and she heard me say happy birthday to someone I clearly cared about and she has a problem with that? Because she was trying to say hello to me. She couldn’t cut me some slack? I asked her that exact question. Very politely I promise. She did have a problem with that. And continued to. Seriously, have I lost it? Actually whatever. I’m off to Coles. (And Suse, I’ve been chatting to them. I have been. My head off.)
B and I love GoMA. The space, the peaceful energy, the families immersing themselves in art and free thinking. I can almost feel the shift in the girls brains as they see an artists impression of something that is novel and unique, a new way of seeing something. As if they understand how accessible creativity is to everyone. I am grateful for the wonder, the inspiration and the appreciation in their eyes and for the moment today when Kate turned to us and said, this is so cool. Especially because she had really wanted to go to Princess Polly.
8 September. Standing beneath what felt like thousands and thousands of lanterns at the Brisbane festival was just breathtaking. Sharing in the wonder with young and old, strangers and friends, people from everywhere I felt like I too was light as air. I am grateful for magical moments that do take your breath away.
We were discussing the mid life crisis thing yesterday. And the scary obsession with youth. It is interesting how very few of us escape it. Whether it is that nagging feeling and fear of being anonymous. That slight irritation when only old men glance in your direction these days. Whether it’s the need for the ongoing botox and fillers to try and recapture what was. And the sadness at realising you can’t. Whether its that panic feeling in the middle of the night as you wonder is this it. Or that even more panicked feeling when you see your slightly saggier face looking back at you in the mirror as you wonder, is it too late for me? Is it over? Is it too late to follow my dream? Do I have a dream? Everyone in some way starts to wonder and question and too often regret. Sadly on a physical front earlier and earlier. I am surrounded by exquisite younger women who inject themselves with all sorts of things to try and make themselves look as beautiful as they once did. To me they are even more beautiful today. And all they are doing is losing the expression of themselves. I so understand the fear of ageing, especially it’s toll on our bodies. And on our sense of self worth. And the middle aged are generally ignored by all. So we can become slightly desperate.The middle aged. Shit, how funny is that. I am middle aged. Actually ten years older but the anonymity thing remains. I am filled with questions and wonder and sadness and yes regret but I genuinely find a little more acceptance of myself and a little more appreciation of my wisdom and a stronger sense of self. I love knowing that I have so much more to offer, because of my path, which has led me to here, lined and all. I love being me, saggy bits and all. I want all my friends just to realise how beautiful they are, how lucky they are, how lovely it is to be able to read the expression on their faces, to see them. And how much they have to offer that goes far beyond the physical. How just being them is enough. There is no crisis unless we make it one.