I have come so far and yet sometimes not at all. I realised this as Jem and I were chatting on the way home from school. We might have bought a house and Jem who has the biggest ears in the world and has heard us discussing finances, wanted to know how much we had offered. I used the opportunity to mention that it was not really necessary for her to know, or to discuss with anyone. And furthermore (you can hear the annoying mom tone can’t you and we wonder why they switch off) at her age there is no need to ask or discuss issues like how much her dad earns, how much I used to earn, how much rent we pay …. Yip, didn’t get past her. She smiled at me, you couldn’t resist mom could you. Shit, I am so bloody transparent. And damn, it does still bother me that they might not see me as the financial contributor I used to be. Damn that it still bothers me. They could care less. But I have got a lot better. I have. When filling in forms I refused to write housewife, or home executive or whatever. My stuff. So I used to write n/a. As in not applicable. Now I write mom. How far have I come.
It was sweet today to notice as I inched forward in the school pick up queue, the wonderful grin on every single child as they connected with their mom, dad or carer. That wonderful moment of truth, before the invariably unsatsifying conversations of how was your day fine, what did you do nothing starts. I am grateful my daughter was as thrilled to see me. And It had nothing to do with end of term. It didn’t.