Yesterday was a good day. A day filled with much laughter, far too many margheritas and good honest fun with lovely and at times delightfully mad friends. But a day that also left me quietly deflated. I saw so many sad women looking for happiness, in what was obvious to all but themselves, the wrong places. Beautiful successful women sadly clearly not realising quite how innately beautiful they are by selling themselves short. Women so desperately and so sadly needing reassurance they’ll take it no matter where it comes from. You all know how much I love women, how much respect I have for our inner strength, how deeply capable I believe we all are. How much I know we all care. But you also know how sad it makes me when women let each other down. And that I believe it’s usually due to fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of being left out, fear of being ignored, fear of being alone, fear of not being loved. But what makes me the saddest of all, is seeing women letting themselves down. I wish every woman could know her worth. And know that it’s not to be found in a bottle or with someone else’s husband or by accepting dismissive or disrespectful treatment by others. I wish all women the respect they so dearly deserve, the only respect that really matters. Their self respect.
I am grateful for happy children. My friends and family know how I agonised over the decision as to which school to send my ‘precious’ girls to. We ended up where we ended a little by default. Our first choice couldn’t take both girls. Probably my first lesson in letting go. I am grateful I had no say ultimately because the gentle environment they’ve found themselves in has allowed them to grow in immeasurable ways, ways beyond just academic achievement. Yet they’ve managed that too. But mostly I’m grateful for how I’ve grown, how I’ve learnt to let go a little, to let them be. And not to be too precious about them. You’ll be alright mate has finally got me too.
When life isn’t great, you really know who your friends are. I do agree with this, and I know a lot of my friends are feeling it right now. And that sucks. To know you can’t always count on people you thought you could. But what I find even more interesting are the friends that are only there when your life isn’t great. When you are suffering. When you are sad. When you are ill. When you are struggling. There is a name for this, where your friends almost take ownership of your suffering. On a compassionate level, I am sure it makes them feel worthy. And it is sad that they feel they are only better when others aren’t. As soon as you seem to be handling, and god forbid exceeding, they disappear. And not in a noble Florence Nightingale kind of way. How sad is that. So to all my friends, those present, those absent, I salute you for all that you are, and once were to me. And hope you find happiness within.