pit

I received a huge parcel yesterday from the breast cancer network australia. A my care kit. Included was a berlei bra with inserts to fill any gaps, a handy reference guide to cancer, how to live with cancer, what your friends need to know, what your partner needs from your friends, a diary to record every awful moment, some pink sweets. Oh did I forget to mention it was all pink. Very pink. With a floral pattern. And so meaningful. And filled with pictures of women with that look in their eyes. The look I have grown to hate. The woeful we are so sad look. I do understand how packages like this make many women feel not alone, cared for and understood. But there is no way it doesn’t also make them feel pathetic and justifiably needy. You start to be that sad person. Especially now you have unwittingly signed up for this pink club full of well meaning people who feel sorry for you.  I just hate the way it is packaged. And I don’t mean the pink, although I hate that too. I mean the whimsy, the tone of voice, the feeling of weakness, the we’ll hold you up, the message of you can’t cope on your own with this. Mostly because its misleading. You have to cope on your own. You have to find your inner strength. You are so capable of doing it if you are allowed to. Without sinking into this pit of pink. Every single breast care nurse, therapist associated with breast care, breast cancer counsellor that I have encountered along the way has looked at me that same way. Head slightly tilted, pity and sadness in their eyes, as with a slightly hushed voice they ask, how are you doing? And I feed their need. I smile wanly. I don’t cuss and I don’t laugh. I get all needy, wondering how soon they’ll leave. Whilst I respect the selfless thing they do I do wonder how selfless it is really.  It seems to help them by feeling they’ve helped me so I let them believe they have. But they haven’t. Or maybe they have. By making me even more resolute. To not be the person they think I am. How novel would it be if one of them anyone one of them so enterwined in the breast cancer care bullshit looked me in the eye with a glint of steely humour and said, well this fucking sucks doesn’t it?  I wonder if I can send my pink package back with some suggestions where the funds could be better spent? I far preferred the other package I got from my very dear friend. My fuck cancer packet filled with goodies to take along to keep me company as I wait wait wait. And not only because it was predominantly black.

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3 thoughts on “pit

  1. Ah Lianne they are so fucking full of it. A couple of hilarious (and scary to some) responses from Jessie. When the oh-s- sympathetic dear from the cancer trust arrived with a huge bag of newly-washed second hand wigs, Jessie threw them at her and told her to get the fuck out. Then there was the all powerful professor’s assistant nurse, who loved being the omnipotent bearer of ominous signs and bad news. She had a notice on her door ” I Can Cope’> One night Jessie and her terrible twin went there and altered the sign with an ‘t – I Can’t Cope. Of course she knew who it was, the scurvy bitch, but she didn’t bother them again.Have you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl? Marvelous book. He transcended the horror of the unbearable by realsing that you have the power to choose your response. That Illuminated my thinking and action and made me aware of the freedom I have. Love and more love Shea

  2. From facebook
    Janine Allem, Lisa Fourie and 39 others

    Samantha Yates Schroeder I agree my beautiful friend 😘 fuckcancer 🖕🏼
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 9:05am · Edited

    Kate Cawood I love youuu 🕶❣
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 9:14am
    Lianne Cawood I love youuuuu 💋
    Like · Reply · April 6 at 6:00am

    Lynn Loopuyt Barker 💝….😂….❤️… there is no fucking black heart. Neither orange. So red it is. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · April 5 at 9:36am
    Lianne Cawood 😂😂😂 bloody hell, it’s frustrating being different 😉😘
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:00am

    Michelle Gilder You are a legend!
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · April 5 at 1:55pm
    Lianne Cawood Aww no I’m not. Just fighting 😜😘
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:01am

    Alison Newby Fletcher I am laughing my ass off….you got this to a T. The pink club….omw!!!
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 2:23pm
    Lianne Cawood Glad you especially get my moment 😂😘
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:03am
    Alison Newby Fletcher Epic!
    Like · Reply · April 6 at 6:06am

    Dani Hynes I fucking hate a “head tilt”! Totally with you lovely lady. Xxxx imagine how cool a “this totally sucks package” would be? X lots and lots and lots of love!
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · April 5 at 3:01pm
    Lianne Cawood Thanks Dani. And totally cool. I’m suggesting it 😉
    Like · Reply · April 6 at 6:04am

    Ashleigh Udal Your writting is awesome!
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 3:17pm

    Theresa Milne Agree with Dani. Send a This Sucks package. And leave out the toxic sweets and cosmetics which ought to be avoided in the first place. Give us a Sound Therapy CD which helps us to tune in to our high frequency and a solid pair of boots to get up and start marching like a boss. And a gaudy tiara to restore a sense of well deserved entitlement to ascend your throne.
    I’m loving your observations ❤❤❤
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · April 5 at 7:43pm · Edited
    Lianne Cawood Love it. And wish you didn’t know exactly what i’m talking about but hey, Boots and tiara here we come 😘
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:21am · Edited

    Kath Anderson I hate the pink cancer thing – I hate it. My sister was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2014 and from that moment on I hated all that pink cancer stuff. I think it is the most frivolous ridiculous colour to associate with such an aggressive disease. Your words stir up so many emotions in me Lianne – thank you for your bravery and brutal honesty – it’s infinitesimally more meaningful than pink. Sending big hugs to you from Bangkok. x x x
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 4:19pm
    Lianne Cawood Thanks Kath. I get that some draw comfort from it all, but imagine how much stronger they could be. Love to you. ❤️
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:20am · Edited

    Yvette Puchert No words, but totally get it my friend. Why not choose a strong, primary colour at least! Fuck!
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 4:48pm

    Andy Dippenaar Love your writing, Lianne. And what you’re writing about. And I get it. So keep sharing. And fuck ’em. Stay resolute and have it your way.
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · April 5 at 6:20pm
    Lianne Cawood That means a lot to me Andy. Thank you and dammit I will 😉
    Like · Reply · April 6 at 6:14am

    Deborah MacCourt Roberts Just reading your stuff Li makes me feel courageous. No pity for you only admiration. Love your strength, love your authenticity and love your writing. Heaps of love ❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 5 at 7:40pm
    Lianne Cawood Love that my ranting makes you feel that way. Love back 😘
    Like · Reply · April 6 at 6:16am

    Susie Pitts I know exactly where you are coming from Li. Well said. Xxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:49am

    Nadja O’Keeffe Your book on ‘HOW NOT TO TREAT A CANCER PATIENT – FUCK OFF’ … Would be a great No1 BEST seller! (Y) (You can give me a small com for the title ..lol 😉 ) … BIG KISS xxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:57am · Edited

    Jo Sutton Is it a musk pink or a fushia?
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 7:56am
    Lianne Cawood I wish.
    Like · Reply · April 8 at 10:57am

    Shea Albert Lianne! I wrote a shpiel about Jessie’s irreverence and disobedience and how professores’ anurses are sometimes guilty of being drunk on power by association,- what Hank would have called “delusions of adequacy”. The piece disappeared into the ether, and this was the gist of it. xxx
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · April 6 at 3:19pm
    Lianne Cawood You posted it on my blog. Loved it then, and love it now.
    Lianne Cawood I love Jessie. xxx
    Like · Reply · April 8 at 10:59am

    Corrie Medhurst Love this! I also received a similar parcel from the ms society (my diary for writing every excruciating moment was blue). I know it’s meant with good intentions but the content of the info provided dropped me into a pit of despair that took days to climb out of.
    Inner strength is all we really have in those dark moments and you my beautiful friend thankfully have it in abundance!!! Love you Cawood BPS! Xxxxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 6 at 6:54pm
    Lianne Cawood I love and hate that you get it. Pisses me off that if you get it it usually means you’ve been there. Love you Medhurst. BPS!!! xxxxxxxx
    Like · Reply · 2 · April 8 at 11:00am

    Lynn Loopuyt Barker 💝💙….❤️❤️
    Like · Reply · April 8 at 7:01pm

    Shea Albert We are all heroes and survivors xxxx
    Like · Reply · April 8 at 8:11pm

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