I had a little tantrum yesterday. As in, I don’t wanna do this again. I can and I will and I am, but I really really don’t wanna. It’s those fucking bald spots that did it.  And I know I am so much more than my hair, and I know I am blessed to not be terminal, and I’m doing this to ensure I am not terminal anytime soon, but allow me this rant. Rocking the no hair look, and I mean no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, no pubes, yay me, should be a once in a lifetime achievement. Dammit. I know you can all see through the smile, it’s kind of hard to hide the vulnerabilty in my eyes or the tears that well up when I least expect it. And I am brave and I will do what I need to do, so please believe that what I say and what you see is true, but bloody hell, I don’t wanna. It’s cool to be unique, to be different and yes to be the one percent. Apparently that is what I am. A one percenter. The likelihood of cancer recurring after a mastectomy and chemo is one percent. Seriously. Serves me right for always wanting to stand out.

So. Think I’m feeling the trepidation of knowing what’s coming. Welcoming it in a weird way because it’s still my best shot. But this thursday I willingly poison myself again. Time to shave me thinks.

6 thoughts on “wanna

  1. I sit here often and read through what you write. And every time I do I feel angry, sad, hurt and sometimes when you laugh, I do too. But always know that whatever I feel, it is pale and insignificant next to you and what you live with every day.

    I always mean to write. To say something meaningful. But I almost always turn away. I can’t change anything. Whatever advice I offer comes from living on the surface of what you experience. The world isn’t looking for another clever quote – certainly not your world.

    So all I do is read quietly and more often than not sadly. And though I do not pray to any awesome being, I pray quietly in my own mind that you continue to live what is clearly a life lived well. And hope that knowing that I read what you write perhaps is more meaningful than things I might say.

  2. Beautiful Grace and Dignity – I LOVE YOU! – BiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiG Hugs coming your way! Mmmmmwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhh xxxxxx

  3. From facebook
    Kerry Solomon, Leanne Angel Braithwaite and 46 others

    Megan Clausen Darling Linki, it’s fucking hard. And fucking unfair, as much as it is what it is. Have as many tantrums as you want. You’re a 1% stand out in everything you do, not just this. Love you, you extraordinary human you xxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 7:07am

    Adrienne Hoberman We thank God you are the 1% in everything you do. But this!! So throw your tantrums and know that we love you and that we are sending you much light 💜💜
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 8:15am

    Kate Cawood ❤️❤️❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 8:23am

    Samantha Yates Schroeder I don’t know what to say my Li… Life IS fucking unfair sometimes & picks & chooses at random.. I will always battle to understand why “Bad things happen to good people” I know that nobody can possibly understand what you are going through unless they have been there themselves.. You are SO allowed tantrums anything else that maybe helps a little at that moment.. YOU are LOVED and surrounded and supported by it from all the amazing people that you have touched in your life 😘 love you amazing lady 🙏😘
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · May 17 at 8:28am

    Ilona Schreuder Just remember how much you are loved – unconditional. Tantrums welcome 😇
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · May 17 at 8:48am

    Geraldine Hartley My words always seem to fail me when it comes to you because I can’t seem to find words that fix! Perhaps the gift today is simply knowing that you have hands (not your own) willing you on and reaching out to pick you up off the floor once your tantrum is over! The hands and the hearts are limitless when it comes to cheering you on and wanting you to beat the odds of this ….❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · May 17 at 9:05am

    Heather McNeice What to say? Stay strong, as I know you will, and know that we’re all here for you, hair or no hair xxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 9:38am

    Susie Pitts You leave us all a little speechless, Lianne, you are so true to yourself. We’re here for you always. xx
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · May 17 at 10:11am

    Anna Macklin Love that you share how you really are getting through this step by step . It’s shit agree with Sam xxxx😘
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · May 17 at 12:03pm

    Lisa Salter Sending lots of love to you!! Xx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 1:21pm

    Carolien Bosman ❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 1:42pm

    Theresa Milne I hear you. No matter how good you may look those things belong to you and can’t simply be dismissed. Letting go of anything is a tough process, even when you know it will eventually come back. It’s not fair. Hugs xx❤
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 2:16pm

    Lesley Oliver Sending you so much love and light ❤❤❤❤
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 5:00pm

    Chiquita King Just holding you up in my thoughts and in my heart. And yes, you stand out … For all the right reasons. 💗
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 6:02pm

    Janine Daniels I don’t want you to either. But I do. Because I love you. Just wish it was without all the shit – even if you do rock a bald head. I wish you didn’t have to. And I’m so proud of you that you chose to. That you choose to. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · May 17 at 7:33pm

    Samantha Raggett ❤️
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 7:45pm

    Tamara Duran Damn ! words Just can’t justify the feelings I experience through your offerings and your reality.
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 7:51pm

    Lisa Fourie XO
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 9:17pm

    Charmaine Devitt 🛐💛
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 17 at 11:57pm

    Leigh Thomas Still holding tight…xx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 18 at 6:14am

    Lianne Cawood Love you all for your care and your damn feistiness on my behalf. I choose well. Knowing you are all there helps me in immeasurable ways. Onwards and upwards 💙
    Like · Reply · 2 · May 18 at 6:33am

    Janine Hunter xx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 18 at 7:58am

    Kim Logan 💚
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 18 at 8:50am

    Lynn Loopuyt Barker ⬛️
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 18 at 12:05pm
    Lianne Cawood ⬛️
    Like · Reply · 1 · May 18 at 12:59pm
    Lynn Loopuyt Barker Lianne Cawood ☺️
    Like · Reply · May 18 at 1:40pm
    Lynn Loopuyt Barker Searching 😆
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · May 18 at 4:07pm
    Lianne Cawood 😂😂😂⬛️
    Like · Reply · May 18 at 4:24pm
    Desiree McLeod Johnson You are incredible, know how much we love you!! ❤❤❤❤
    Like · Reply · May 18 at 2:44pm

    Deborah MacCourt Roberts ❤️❤️😘
    Like · Reply · May 18 at 2:48pm

  4. Pingback: tits up | grace and dignity

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