rapunzel

I really have grown. A growing up I would have chosen differently but hey. Life does its thing when we are asleep. I’m just grateful I woke up. I cut all my hair off on Saturday. Well 30cms off so I could donate it to kids for cancer. It had to be on Saturday because B needed to be there and I had to do it before chemo starts. And B is away this week. So I had to do it quickly and without really thinking too long about it. And it didn’t bother me. Well apart from looking far too mature, and perhaps there is a message in there somewhere. First time round it bothered me a lot. My hair was my security. It made me me. But I did learn I was so much more than my hair. It was just something I could control. This time I chose to cut it off with knowledge and no fear. And still, those scissors were like a shard piercing my this isn’t really happening again protective shell. Just for a moment, I hated reality staring back at me. But I’m ready for this. And I need you to be too please. I’m getting far too many head tilts lately. All my hair on my body will fall out. I am not fearful. Yes I have heard about cold caps. Yes I am glad, really I am, that your mother’s aunt’s second cousin had chemo and kept all her hair. Unfortunately you know too little. Or fortunately. Not all chemotherapy is the same. There are different regimens used depending on you, your type of cancer, your grade, your stage, your history. How you respond to treatment is also so very personal and enterwined in all of the above and who you are. There are many different types of breast cancers too, and treatment depends not only on stage and type but on whether it’s hormone receptive or not, BRACA postive or not, HER2 positive or not, invasive or not, advanced or not blah blah blah. Mine is advanced. And invasive. And hormone positive. I think you get the gist. I am not fearul of losing my hair. All my energy will be directed at healing and saving my life not at saving a few strands of hair. I vomit at the thought of all that fear. I truly feel so light and empowered right now, which is exactly where I need to be. And I do love the care behind your suggestions, but if there is none, please fuck off.

Thursday I start. Every 21 days. 4 cycles. Could be worse.

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One thought on “rapunzel

  1. From facebook
    Kerry Solomon, Janina Weyer and 36 others

    Susie Pitts Thanks Li, fighting words again. Xxx And you answered one of my boys’ question about whether all the hair falls out. 🙀
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 7:48am
    Lianne Cawood 😂 you made me laugh Suze. Delightful in places for us girls (I mean the legs 😈)!! The eyebrows and eyelashes are the only ones that do still bother me. But they grow back 😊
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 8:05am
    Susie Pitts Laughter is not the only medicine, but it helps. Xx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 9:08am
    Lianne Cawood ❤️
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:14am

    Samantha Yates Schroeder 😘😂😘😘😘😘
    Like · Reply · April 27 at 8:16am
    Lianne Cawood 😉
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 8:24am
    Samantha Yates Schroeder well said 🙏
    Like · Reply · April 27 at 8:24am

    Nadja O’Keeffe ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😘🤗
    Like · Reply · April 27 at 8:34am
    Lianne Cawood 😘
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:14am

    Suzzanne Roughley God you’re fantastic! xx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 10:01am
    Lianne Cawood More like a little feisty right now. See how fabulous f words are! 😂😘
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:17am · Edited

    Kim Logan Thanks for sharing Lianne. So many of us have the big C thrust on us in some way or other and your insights are really helpful. We are often at a loss what to say or do for our loved ones who are going through it. Sending love vibes your way (it’s all I can do 💓💓)
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 11:28am

    Lianne Cawood And that’s the best response of all. Thanks K I know how hard it is for everyone when loved ones are faced with this and I guess apart from just holding them, telling them it sucks and you’re there for them, and being present is the best you can do. And if you know them, really know them, you’ll know what to say. And more importantly what not to say. 😉😘
    Like · Reply · 1 · April 28 at 5:22am

    Cathy Raggett Hey, the upside is no hairy legs/armpit/upper lip for you for a while! XX
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · April 27 at 11:33am
    Lianne Cawood Fuck off I’ve never had a hairy upper lip. 😂😘
    Like · Reply · 2 · April 28 at 5:23am

    Jo Sutton All just symptoms of the real problem. And you have time to beat it. Again
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 12:22pm
    Lianne Cawood Time is the best gift I have given myself. 😘
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:23am

    Deborah MacCourt Roberts You sound good Li. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Reading your blog makes me dig deep into my soul. Go warrior woman you’ve got this 🙋👭👩‍❤️‍👩😘
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 5:10pm
    Lianne Cawood Thanks Deb. Sometimes I think I rant too much but guess it helps me. 😏😂😘
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:24am

    Yvonne Cawood Thinking of you Lianne Cawood. Sending love and prayers. Xxxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 10:00pm
    Lianne Cawood 😘
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:25am

    Shea Albert essie felt light and empowered too.
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 11:20pm
    Shea Albert Jessie, I mean. Light. Empowered. Brilliant. Inside each one of us. xxx
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 27 at 11:22pm
    Lianne Cawood I knew exactly what you meant Shea. Love and more love ❤️
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 5:25am

    Kirsten Kairuz Cheers to your inner beauty and strength you gorgeous woman.
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · April 28 at 5:14am

    Lynn Loopuyt Barker ❤️
    Like · Reply · April 28 at 7:22am

    Angie Barnard-Engelke Thank you for being so generous with all of us by sharing your journey.
    When people know better, you do better – Oprah
    Lianne you have made such an impression on so many people’s lives , we all care and want to know how you and your family are doing. Your blog gives us some insight. This is your gift to us. I thank you.
    By the way my Steve saw your new hair and said wow Lianne looks so young with that haircut😜
    Like · Reply · 2 · April 29 at 2:41am

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