I have a friend to thank for much sobbing today. I spent an extended morning with her kinesiologist/naturopath who made me truly acknowledge some things. To understand me a bit better. Well he helped me to start to access what I already knew. In my subconscious. My main motivation for going to see him was wanting to wean myself off these damn mood stabilisers, without harming my children or B. I am definitely off balance (in the gentle sense of the words, I am not off my rocker. yet) and needed help getting my balance back preferably without chemicals. In essence continuing the journey being here started which is giving me the chance, the ability to deal with the cause of my disease, not just to focus on the cure. For the incurable. Without any prompting he accessed words like disappearing, anonymous, alien, loss of mojo, abandonment, different, disempowered from me. It was quite unsettling. And a theme you would have come to be familiar with if you had been part of my oversharing. But he knew nothing about me. Nothing. I have self effacingly spoken a lot about avoidance as a strategy, my coping mechanism to deal with change, which all manifests itself in my need to control. See Lianne, everything is ok. I’ve always convinced myself that knowing I did this, acknowledging it and laughing at it, meant it was not an issue. But, someone’s not buying it. So, it seems it’s time to lift the lid on the I’m coping, I’m strong, I’m able melodrama. Shit.
grace and dignity
a life to be grateful for
grace and dignity 
wish I could give you a very big healing hug *heart*
Angie Barnard-Engelke, Lesley Oliver and 5 others like this.
Yvette Puchert Coco saw your face on your blog while I was reading and said “There’s Elan, she’s my godmother who has lost her wand”. Don’t worry my friend, you’ll find your wand again. Thinking of you…
July 12 at 6:50pm · like · 1
Samantha Yates Schroeder Yayayayayyayayyy & welcome to the journey… He is amazing.. ; ). X
July 12 at 7:10pm via mobile · like · 1
Susie Pitts Wow, strong words. Your friends are here for you. If you get too much mojo we might not be able to keep up with you. Just enjoy being you for you who are and don’t let anyone tell you you should be something else.
July 12 at 7:40pm · like · 2
Leigh Thomas You’re so sorted sweet friend – you just choose to deal with change in your own time and that’s awesome. I only know you to embrace change as and when you ready.!! – life won’t let you turn a blind eye and you know that so well – nothing wrong with your thinking – you da bomb girl xx
July 12 at 8:01pm · like · 1
Corrie Medhurst This is a tough subject for me as someone also taking”mood stabilisers” I completely understand your need to be free of them but also understand their purpose in a medical sense. Be strong, take things one day at a time and one day you’ll wake up as someone who used to need “mood stabilisers! Also rely on your dr for help on dosage reduction until you give up completely or life might become a little testy for B and the girls!!!! Much love cx
July 12 at 8:45pm via mobile · like · 2
Susie Pitts Also, I can’t help feeling that this person you met today may have agendas of his own. Don’t let anyone rumble you into their needy camp.
July 12 at 9:07pm via mobile · Like
Lianne Cawood Yvette, I love love this. Give her the hugest hug from me!! Samantha, he is fabulous and thank you!! Susie, you are a lovely friend and thanks you for your concern, but all good, he is wonderful, just made me see things I knew anyway but had hid beneath my I’m ok thing!! I’m too cynical to be taken in!!!! But am needing to either up my meds or do something else!!! Thanks Leigh, you are so right about my dealing with it in my own time … just think the time has come to face some things!! As i said , shit!!! So hear you Corrie, on all fronts. Mwah.
July 12 at 9:54pm · Like
Kerry Solomon Wow, sounds like the person you saw is a very gifted, intuitive healer, what a blessing to find someone like him… We all have our coping mechanisms and it’s not easy peeling back the layers and learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable truths that lie deep within. What a wonderful journey it is though, and you are so courageous to be taking it. I wish you many blessings xxx
July 13 at 10:17am · like · 1
Lianne Cawood Thank you Kerry. Am feeling remarkably peaceful … sometimes just a little emotional offloading in a safe healing environment is a all thats needed. But does feel like some shifting has happened …. hmmmm. x
July 15 at 10:02am · Like · 1