straight

The girls want a house. And a dog. I want to stop living in limbo. Or I think I do. I think I want a house too. And a dog. B wants neither. He loves apartment living. I think I might just like the idea of a house and a dog. Because conversely I also like the notion of non attachment. I’m trying to learn to let go and not hold on. Living in limbo enabled that. But I think not being able to make too many decisions because of my health was a huge cop out. And a delightful one too, because we could just avoid doing anything. I feel we’re at a crossroads, or actually a tjunction and I think I want to go straight. B knows I often do just want to go straight. Even when its dangerous. And especially when I can’t. I’ve been waking up with an anxious feeling in my tummy. Anxiety at change. And at permanence.  Even though nothing really is. I think these feelings are all tied up in our decision to buy here. I could smile with a nonchalant air at the question of settling before. I wasn’t rejecting anyone by saying yes or no. But as we get closer to making a decision I realise thats whats unsettling me. I like the idea of settling. Not the reality of it. I’m scared of disappearing. Of anonymity.

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One thought on “straight

  1. From facebook

    Angie Barnard-Engelke, Corrie Medhurst and 3 others like this.

    Lisa Fourie It’s all so unsettling ~ poor you xx
    BUT a Labrador is a good choice for a dog :0)
    July 8 at 5:49pm via mobile ·like · 1

    Sam Vogel Great post….’ really struck a chord.
    July 9 at 8:41am via mobile · like · 1

    Lianne Cawood I love your lab Lisa, but we had to knave ours behind in SA so if this house thing ever happens, it will be a small and fluffy … so contrary to everything B and I have ever wanted … what the hell has happened to us????!!!!!
    July 10 at 5:48pm · Like · 1

    Lianne Cawood ‎*leave!!
    July 10 at 5:49pm · Like

    Lisa Fourie Just take it slowly and don’t be so hard on yourself … good things come to those who wait. A small fluffy one sounds cute x
    July 10 at 8:00pm · like · 1

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