living

Is it wonderful to be home?  It’s wonderful to be with my family. But it feels more and more like a holiday than a trip home. If being with your parents is being home, then yes it is wonderful to be home, but what is home? Is it where you live? Is it where your heart is? Is it where your children are? Is it a feeling? Or is it just an idea? For me it’s all of these things. The first words when we arrived were, is it nice to be home? But as much as this is where I was born, where my parents are, where my brother and his family are and will always be a part of me, it’s not my home anymore. I have wonderful memories of my life here, of my childhood, of growing up, of making mistakes, of learning, of building myself and my career, of falling in love and starting and growing a family, of illness and wonder. All within the wonderful warm embrace of my loving family and caring friends. And that is all with me no matter where I am. But I am now so much a visitor here, four years is a very long time. I look for the familiar and find it and love it, because it makes me belong.  But there is so much that is new, or rather that has just moved on, that I am not part of anymore. And that used to scare me but now it doesn’t. It just is. And that’s reassuring. That it doesn’t scare me anymore, I mean. I am always mindful of those I love who still live here, who would rather I said, yes this is still home. But I know that they would rather I embraced where I am and looked forward not backwards. I wrote before that I now know that we can be anywhere and this trip so far has confirmed that. This is so present, yet it feels like my past. And I don’t mean that I want to leave it behind because it is also still my present and always will be within me, but it’s not home. It’s a place I used to feel at home. But I don’t live here anymore.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “living

  1. Sigh – I know how you feel – i’ve been gone fore almsot 2 years – and everythign does move on – u feel like a visitor – u can read the news everyday – catch up on the gossip – sometimes be more informed – yet something doesnt feel right – coz I want it to be home – but it isnt – and it makes me sad 😥

  2. We only have the now……and for now this is our home, yes. and for now there is your home, yes. But in truth what does that matter. I matter. And you matter. And all those in between us that we hold dear matter. Not where they are, but who they are and how they are. Today we have the blessing of experiencing this time and space together. (all too) soon we will have the blessing of cyberspace. And who knows what happens next. No doubt a whole lot of tears. Tears of missing, yes. But tears of happiness for each other and ours too. Because we love. And love has no boundary. No country. No place it calls home other than in the hearts of those who share it. x

    • Absolutely beautifully and perfectly said. It truly does not matter. I guess I got thinking more about physicality and a definition of home because everyone keeps commenting you must be pleased to be home, which begs the question, am I? Is this still home? Home is where we feel right right now but as you so rightly say, love transcends it all. We matter. You matter so very much. Where we are does not matter. At all. xxx

  3. From facebook

    Ashleigh Udal Hoffman, Jo-Ann Adams and 4 others like this.

    Lesley Oliver Wonderful, and very true! Enjoy your holiday, Li. xx
    March 30 at 12:36am · Unlike · 1

    Kerry Solomon How wonderful that one eventually, and thankfully, moves on. It is so great that you can now call the place you live home. I look forward to doing that too one day…
    March 30 at 7:05am · Unlike · 1

    Jayne Aron Wonderful read 🙂
    March 30 at 8:58am · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood ‎ Kerry, love that I can look to the future, but must be honest, Australia is where we live now, but its also not home. Hence my wondering what “home’ is. So right now quite content being homeless, but surrounded by love wherever we are. Day by day and moment by moment … but definitely facing forward!! xx
    March 30 at 8:57pm · Like · 2

    Kerry Solomon Aha, I get it Lianne. Just re read and I now understand. You’re not saying Australia is home, but SA isn’t home anymore either. Hence the question – what is home? I love that you now know you could be anywhere. That is extremely powerful, and shows that you are no longer attached (to the things that in the past would have held you back). I’m not too sure I will ever get to where you are. Coming to Aus has highlighted my achilles heel – attachment to the past. But oh how I would love to learn the big lesson of let go, so that I can just be present, which as we know is the key to bliss. xxx
    March 30 at 9:20pm · Unlike · 2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s