fuck yeah

I woke up with a feeling of anticipation today. And I know why. Because today feels like the day I finally start to take my power back. I had my last Zoladex implant today. I have had one every three months for the last nearly five years. This keeps me in menopause, which is essential for the aromatase inhibitor, Femara I take every night and have for nearly five years. My cancer was oestrogen receptive, so all production needs to be suppressed and blocked. I have three more months of Femara and then nothing. Nothing. Then I will become me again. A different me, but a me free of anything but what should be. I can’t wait. I am in awe of my doctors and of the courage I have gained through the efforts of others. I was just too fearful to go it alone. I together with my doctors and my family chose a course of action. A course of action me and my family needed me to take. To do everything I could to make sure I was here January 2013. The ultimate goal. Being here 5 years after chemo. Then we hit the down curve in the bell curve of efficacy of treatment. So no more. I am excited. Especially to discover what the medication has masked. Because I am different. Everything changed the day I was diagnosed and will never be the same again. In many ways it is better, way better, but in other ways not. I feel I’ve also let my cancer control me the last five years. I have been in varying stages of disease, surgery, treatment and recovery. But I know it’s also been a process of acceptance. And growth. Only now can I start to feel a frisson of a personal victory. I am seeing that whilst it occupied a lot of me, and changed me, it hasn’t defined me. I willingly handed me over for a bit. Now I’m ready to reclaim me. But I am proud of how I fought for my life. And I’ll do it again if I have to. So for now, all I can say is yay me.

12 thoughts on “fuck yeah

  1. Oh Congratulations!!! My cancer was the estrogen fed type also, but I’ve been on Arimidex for about 2 and a half years. I was wondering if when I’m finished, I will go back to regular… well, as regular as I can be … considering. Yea for you!!! 😀 You’re a Pink Warrior…

    • And yeah you too!!!! Keep up the fight. I hear you and am wondering exactly what will emerge … I have become a 46 year old with the inner workings of a 70year old … a damn feisty 70 year old!! Will keep you posted. Couldn’t resist the pun. 😉

  2. From facebook

    Samantha Yates Schroeder, Louise Fletcher, Angie Barnard-Engelke and 7 others like this.

    Janette Webb Absolutely yay u. Fuck yeah !!! So proud of u & extremely happy for u xxxxxxxxx
    October 15 at 6:14pm · like · 1

    Jo-Ann Adams LOOK OUT WORLD!!! ♥♥
    October 15 at 6:20pm · like · 1

    Theresa Milne Yay you!!!! xxx
    October 15 at 7:08pm via mobile · like · 1

    Geraldine Hartley So awesome you are an inspiration
    October 15 at 7:21pm via mobile · like · 1

    Claire Peters Wow Lianne, I have tears rolling down my face. 5 Years, you are amazing. I’m so happy for you and Bryan and especially your girls as I know what it feels like to be them. You are an inspiration and I’m proud to call you my friend xx
    October 15 at 8:25pm · like · 2

    Kerry Solomon Yay you indeed! I have goosebumps! I cannot begin to imagine the journey you have been on, but dammit I feel excited for you Lianne! Much love xxx
    October 15 at 8:40pm · like · 3

    Lisa Fourie Yay ~ you beautiful brave gorgeous lady xo
    October 15 at 10:08pm via mobile · like · 1

    Angie Barnard-Engelke Yay!
    October 16 at 6:47am via mobile · like · 1

    Samantha Yates Schroeder Soooo yayyayyyy you gorgeous brave lady!!!! Xxxxx
    October 17 at 10:17am via mobile · Like

  3. Pingback: warrior woman | grace and dignity

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  5. Pingback: you’re not welcome anymore | grace and dignity

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