I dropped my fourteen year old at a party last night. Watched her walk in smile and wave. My heart sang and sank. It sang at her beauty, her independence, her kindness. It sank at the loss of control, the fear of the unknown, the fear of her peers, the knowledge of needing to let go. But jeez louise, she is only fourteen. Was I right to let her go? This was a byo party. Openly byo. Yes, by invitation only, with id being checked at the door, but still bring your own booze. Come on. When I fetched her at 12, I drove past packs of kids heading home. Weaving home. Did their parents even know where they were? Girls with heads down in the gutter, vomit all over the road outside the party house. Kate and her friend were all smiles and full of stories. It was a good night, it was a fun night, but mom, everyone was drunk. Everyone. Even their friends who don’t drink. I admit I was very proud and yes relieved at my strong willed daughter. Actually she just isn’t interested yet. The father was there and had to call a passed out fourteen year old girl’s parents. I am so confused by all of this. The kids are going to do it, maybe earlier than I would like but the world is hurtling along for them.  They’re dealing with things way before we had to and thats just the way it is. Was it right of these parents to provide a ‘safe’ environment for them to do it in? But what happens when those kids leave that house? Where do their parents think they are? Well I knew and I was there. And I suggest you do too. We can’t keep our girls in a cage, that is simply not the answer, we can only equip them to make the right calls, and to call us no matter what and no matter when. No judgement. Well, I’ll try.  So I will continue to live by that, but damn it’s going to be tough. And it’s just too damn soon.

6 thoughts on “vomit

  1. I have been down that road with Jack, thankfully he too, was sensible and left early and left them all to the vomit!!!!! He now has a drink, very little still, but he openly has a drink and I allow it – he is after all a young working man and nearly 18. However, I now have a 14 year old as well. BUT we are no longer living in Noosa and for that, at this stage of her development, I am thankful. On Friday night she went to Youth group, yes Youth – I was gobsmacked because that is not something I thought she would ever entertain, she always loved to go to parties – still does. But not here. They just don’t do it – yet.

    • I hear you Ange and all I can be thankful for is that we are here right now because as challenging as this is, it’s still a gentle world compared to others. And I know you, like me, are present (and I don’t mean a stay at home mum, god forbid haha, but an involved, present, available to listen parent), which I believe is everything. xxx

  2. From facebook

    Samantha Yates Schroeder, Heather McNeice and 3 others like this.

    Kerry Solomon So well written Lianne. I’m shocked that at that age it was a byo party! I know kids drink at that age, but to have it so openly supported, in a “safe” environment, well I don’t know… You can be so proud of your beautiful daughter. And of yourself and B. To have the will to resist what everybody else is doing at that age (ha! At any age actually!) comes from self confidence and self respect, traits nurtured in Kate by the 2 of you xxx
    Sunday at 10:45am · like · 2

    Bart N Lynn Right there with you Lianne, these are scary times. I too don’t agree with the Byo at the tender age of 14 but if they are going to be doing it then provide that safe environment, however I don’t agree with letting kids leave that safe environment without a suitable escort. If the kids are checked in then they should be checked out too. Glad my Kirsty is like your Kate xxx
    Sunday at 12:16pm via mobile · like · 1

    Samantha Yates Schroeder Well done… I remember my dad always waiting outside parties/disco’s etc.. Early… Always got us home safe & sound… X
    Monday at 12:55pm via mobile · like · 1

    Lianne Cawood My best advice as I navigate this unchartered territory is to try and keep the channels of communication open, apparently a lot of the kids parents either didn’t know they were going to a party or about the byo … damn hard with teenagers, and to be accepting and really listen, but so essential. And second piece of advice is to hug hard. xxx
    Monday at 2:06pm · Like · 1

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