spin doctor

I think my medication is wearing off.  Did I mention I take a mood stabiliser. I prefer that description. I don’t tell many people. It does help me. Not cope, but not fly off the handle, so it helps those around me probably more, cos I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with my tone, my attitude, my shouting, my yelling, my screaming and the next minute, my calm. What’s the matter with everyone? Why are they looking at me funny? Anyway, my pills help keep some stability whilst my hormones are being manipulated elsewhere. But the efficacy definitely wears off. Ask B. My need to control seems to have gone off the richter scale again. I still can’t seem to get why people don’t think like me, I mean really, my motives are so selfless, I’m just trying to protect everyones’ feelings, make everyone’s lives perfect. As defined by me. Not that they asked me to. Or maybe I’m actually just trying to protect myself. By controlling from afar. Protect me from the guilt I do still feel being so far away. Knowing the gap we have left particularly in my folks world. And my intentions might be noble and selfless, but I, like us all, need to let others live their lives, make their own way, build their own relationships or not at all. Even if it’s not the way I would. So it seems, every day, I still learn a lot and let go a little. Or maybe I just need to up my meds.

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2 thoughts on “spin doctor

  1. Pingback: blubbering | grace and dignity

  2. Pingback: sprung | grace and dignity

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