not okay

I’m trying to understand why women do it. Stay with men who abuse them. Physically or emotionally. Stay with men who repeatedly have affairs. It saddens me that perhaps its because they feel thats as good as it gets. That they are more fearful of being alone, of not deserving more, of not being financially sound, of what people might think, of shattering the illusion of happy families. It all just saddens me because it is just sad, when a persons hopes and beliefs about love and care and trust and respect are continually shattered. I do understand the need to protect and provide for our children, but accepting abuse is not doing that. No matter how much you love. Or are loved. It is teaching your son its ok to treat women in this way and teaching your daughters that they don’t deserve more.  Imagine how much taking a stand might teach them. It will be sore and devastating and often financially debilitating but it has to be better. In ways you won’t know now but your children will one day thank you for. What saddens me most is all the excuses. It is simply not okay to abuse anyone. No-one gets to avoid taking responsibility. Everyone, everyone has a choice. Not to do it. And not to accept it.

3 thoughts on “not okay

  1. And as an outsider looking in. The sadness. The frustration. The anger. The helplessness. Not accepting. Yet accepting. x

  2. From facebook

    Lisa Fourie and 2 others like this.

    Kerry Solomon Staying in an abusive or unhappy relationship will definitely teach your children that it’s ok, and the chances of them growing up to accept the same for themselves is likely. And don’t think your children don’t know, they know… If you’re “doing it for your children” then getting out is what you should be doing, as you will teach them one of the greatest lessons of all, self respect and self worth.
    June 6 at 10:48am · Like

    Samantha Yates Schroeder GOODNESS… I AGREE!!!!!!!! x
    June 6 at 4:02pm · Like

    Angie Barnard-Engelke I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and it took a long time to leave, about also been honest with yourself. Often that abuse is so subtle. To woman I say be courageous! Live your best life.
    June 6 at 7:34pm · like · 1

    Lianne Cawood You are a brave courageous woman, Ange, living by your own words … a wonderful inspiration. xx
    June 6 at 9:49pm · Like

    Lianne Cawood mmmm I had a long chat with B in the early hours of this morning and whilst he pissed me off by saying this, because I said commmee onnn, people can read the subtext, if they have been following me or know me at all, they would know I in no way judge but am sad for them. I cannot begin to imagine how it must be to be in that situation, how to know where to turn or how to be and the dire consequences of decisions. We never ever know peoples lives or realities, and for me my love for all is a given. My wish is just that all could be treated with the love and respect they so deserve. And that they treat themselves that way. And my heart truly does go out to all women in this frightening cycle of abuse and love and confusion and fear. No-one has ever any right to judge and that is always my unspoken mantra, always, always but we do have a right to care. And a wish to understand. And I do.
    Thursday at 10:13am · Like · 2

    Kerry Solomon You’re so right in all you say Lianne. I cannot begin to understand how painfully difficult it must be to be in an abusive relationship, or how complicated it must be to get out. The amount of courage it takes is beyond what I can comprehend. It’s easy from the outside to see someone’s value and want them to make choices that reflect how worthy they are. However the cycle of abuse is complex and vicious and leaving is not simple. I too will never judge, I have no right. But I do wish, with all my heart, that those being abused could see themselves through the eyes of those who love them. Because those who truly love them know they deserve better. And I do wish that they could find the strength to move forward, reclaim their power, and live lives where they are treated with kindness and respect.
    Thursday at 10:40am · like · 1

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