love

I’m still doing it. I’m still trying to turn B into me. I fell in love with B for him. His quirks, his laid-backness, his dimpled smile, his forearms (not a fetish but they have always done it for me), his irreverence, his perverseness, his independence, his B’ness. His different to me ness. But I have spent the last seventeen years or so trying to turn him into me. Even though I know he will never behave the way I do, because he is not me. He will never respond the way I do, because he is not me. He will never phone home the way I do or when I want him too, because he is not me. He will never drive around the block ridiculously every time he has to be somewhere because he is always 5mins or more early the way I do, because he is not me. He will never do stuff when I want him too just because I want it done then, because he is not me. He will never be irrationally jealous the way I am, actually he will, and I do love that about him. So, I don’t know why I’m still doing it. I don’t even want B to be like me. I am starting to like me a little more, but fuck I’d hate to be married to me. So, I know he will never say sorry the way I do or think I do, because he is not me. I do know. But it still pisses me off. And I know that’s why he does it. And I love him all the more for it.

One thought on “love

  1. From facebook

    Charmaine Devitt, Bryan Cawood, Michelle Taylor and 4 others like this.

    Samantha Yates Schroeder Now I’m hungry…. ; /. X
    February 22 at 5:12pm · Unlike · 1

    Samantha Yates Schroeder Don’t know how the comment appear with a different post… Oh well..!! You r a honey & I am sure your husband knows how lucky he is to have beautiful u ad his wife!!! ; ). X
    February 22 at 5:15pm · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood Thanks Sam, but I really can be a bitch. With good intentions, but still. And always with grace and dignity. Haha. xx
    February 24 at 5:47pm · Like

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