me

I had my breast reconstruction on valentine’s day 2008. So, it’s different for me now. Today 4 years ago I was given me back. Well, a slightly different version of me. A forever physically altered version of me. The me they could sort of bring back. A patched up me. The other old me is gone forever. And I don’t mean that in a sad way. I loved that me then but I love this me now. It’s taken me a while to realise that. That was then and this is now.  But then, I didn’t get it. I honestly thought if I got my breast back, I would be whole again. I could wipe my hands on my jeans, that’s that and it would all be gone. If I could have two grateful posts today, and no I can’t because those are my rules, this would be my second. I am grateful to my wonderful plastic surgeon, Dr Gereth Edwards, who knew me better than I knew myself and who didn’t put up with my crap. The world is poorer for him no longer practising due to an unexpected stroke. And especially because his priority was not people like me, but people who couldn’t pay, who had no hope. He was a saint. He was a young saint.  He didn’t say what I wanted to hear. He was so brutally honest, I hated him at first. But he made sure I understood I would never ever look like that me again. He knew I simply couldn’t comprehend the enormity of it all. Of my disease. I fought so hard and he never let me win. And then I surrendered to him. And here I am. Scarred, but me. A new improved me, who loves her new patched together breasts. If I didn’t think some of you might be offended, and my family mortified I would have shared a pic of my man made breast and my recreated nipple from my tummy, with you.  My previous breasts have been bared on all the best beaches in the world, on a chesterfield with some of my agency colleagues (did I mention I can’t resisit a dare) and breastfed my precious children. I miss them. I shared them. I took them for granted. But these new ones, I am even more proud to share. And eternally grateful to Dr Edwards for. Mostly because I know now, I am so much more than the physical me.

5 thoughts on “me

  1. From facebook

    Nicolette McCabe, Janine Daniels, Dave De Vos and 11 others like this.

    Cathy Raggett Thinking of you today…. hope all goes well with your dad!
    February 14 at 5:26pm · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood Thank you … currently under. What is it with my family and valentine’s day surgeries??? Will all be good. xxx
    February 14 at 5:29pm · Like

    Samantha Yates Schroeder AAAhhh Lianne so beautifully said… you brought tears to my eyes.. All i can say is thank goodness for your strength in beating the disease & modern medicine for making u whole again… happy birthday boobs!!! xxx
    February 14 at 5:47pm · Unlike · 3

    Andy Dippenaar When Jemma was 2, she fell against a cupboard and sliced the bridge of her nose all the way across laterally. Gareth Edwards was her surgeon so I can attest to how amazing a man and a specialist he is.
    February 14 at 5:48pm · Unlike · 2

    Theresa Milne beautiful post, Lianne and I can’t agree more about Gereth Edwards – he also put me back together again (along with Carol Benn). How blessed we are to have had him xxxx
    February 14 at 5:56pm · Unlike · 1

    Ann Warsop You are such a strong, beautiful woman Lianne – an inspiration to all of us. xxx
    February 14 at 8:07pm · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood Thank you all … and Theresa, Carole and Gereth are true angels on earth … as a team they were formidable. You are so right, how blessed were we. xxx
    February 14 at 9:35pm · Like · 1

    Yvette Puchert Aaah Nooo! I love your pic but you could have posted a pic of everyone on the Chesterfield for fun…not that I was there that night…I love the new you too! ♥ ♥
    February 14 at 10:14pm · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood Haha Y … I would love a copy, apparently it was ‘stolen’? Remember how you couldn’t print it in the Dancing Chihuahua (was it called that??) Fun days. xx
    February 14 at 10:34pm · Like

    Gillian Freimond Rightford I’m sure it might be in Graham’s memorabilia cupboard. Xx beautiful post, as always. Incredible journey, incredible courage. What’s your dad having done?
    February 15 at 7:33am · Unlike · 1

    Kerry Solomon Thank you for sharing this with us Lianne. I can’t even begin to imagine what you have been through to get to the point you are at now. I remember moving into Pineslope Gardens and seeing you, and wondering… I remember how beautiful I thought you looked, without any hair. I told Ross that only the most stunning of women can look so beautiful without any hair. You were a distant figure then, I’m so glad you are not a distant figure now. I am grateful to you, for sharing your journey with us xxx
    February 15 at 9:38am · Unlike · 1

    Ronit Hurwitz Mograbi Wow, Lianne that is so beautiful, I hope that when I am done with my recon I will feel the same way.
    February 15 at 6:34pm · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood ‎Gillian, my dad’s had an ongoing battle with his prostrate, three bouts of surgery, with horrible complications. Had a catheter for ages now … had his first, this will be simple(!)surgery on 21/12 … so been a while. Not great to have general three times so soon at his age. But … all good. And no cancer. xx
    February 15 at 9:34pm · Like · 2

    Lianne Cawood ‎Kerry, thank you. Shoowee, the hair thing. Tough one. I am thankful you get something from my sharing.. and to be honest, it helps me immensely. xx
    February 15 at 9:40pm · Like · 1

    Lianne Cawood ‎Ronit, I wish you well. Please feel free to chat or message or mail me at any time. xx
    February 15 at 9:41pm · Like

    Gillian Freimond Rightford send him my love please. and big hugs to you. xx
    February 15 at 11:13pm · Unlike · 1

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