wobble

This control thing is bothering me a bit.  Especially because The Happiness Code Jo gave me says that being a control freak is a sign of a vulnerable self esteem. Apparently the better you feel about yourself the less you need to control everything around you. Hmmm. I actually think there is quite a bit of truth in that. And vulnerable works for me. As opposed to low. I think I do have a vulnerable self esteem. It wobbles a bit from time to time. Hence my constant need for validation. Which is apparently linked to over achieving… the more I achieve, the more I’ll be validated, and the better I’ll feel about myself. Despite this mild epiphany if i”m really honest, it’s something I’ve always known, but the ripple effect of my wobbling from time to time is what’s got me worried. All I’ve ever wanted to do for my girls is help them develop a strong sense of self and self worth. To believe they are good enough.  But controlling everything the way I do, or trying to, is probably doing the opposite. I am not letting them make their own mistakes, not letting them learn enough about how much they really are capable of.  How they are good enough. And I’m not talking about school work here, but life. Living here has definitely helped me be better at this. I am finally accepting that I am good enough. But sometimes I wobble. Like we all do.  I am wobbling less and less and learning to let go more and more. I am.  Except maybe of the packing of the dishwasher. They just don’t do it right.

7 thoughts on “wobble

  1. Is anyone truly satisfied with themselves?? It’s ever evolving, changing. We all wobble. Your not special just normal. Whatever that is x

  2. From facebook

    Lesley Oliver and Emma Fox like this.

    Emma Fox So true xx
    February 10 at 6:07pm · Unlike · 1

    Karen Bruns Great piece, Lihani – really!
    February 10 at 6:32pm · Unlike · 1

    Kerry Solomon Loving your blogs!!! Oh Lianne, if only we didn’t need that validation from others. It comes in different forms, it can be about work, our appearance, our home… I hope to reach that place one day where I don’t let others reactions & responses to me dictate how I feel about myself. And I desperately hope to teach this to my girls… Best gift we can give our children is good self esteem – not easy though, most especially when we’re still working it out for ourselves! 🙂
    February 10 at 8:08pm · Unlike · 1

    Cathy Raggett Atleast you can get them to pack the dishwasher….. mine don’t even know we have one!!!
    February 10 at 8:24pm · Unlike · 1

    Yvette Puchert Ha! Fellow insecure overachiever…I love it. Look up Brene Brown’s Ted talk on vulnerability – it’s great. You’re a great mother and a great teacher as well as great daughter and a great pupil. More than that you can’t be. Love you lots. xoxo
    Ps; you may need help with OCD re the dishwasher
    PPSS Please reply to this -I need to feel acknowledged sometimes as a responder to your blog…Ha!
    February 10 at 8:32pm · Like · 2

    Lianne Cawood Ha! Knew you’d get me!!! Love you so much Y, for so much more than being a responder to my blog. But, yes of that too. You’re the second friend who’s mentioned OCD … hmmmmm.xxxxxxx
    February 11 at 7:54am · Like

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