I embarrassed Kate again today. This time because I started crying over my cup of coffee. We had a fabulous girly morning shopping. Then went for a coffee at Canteen. I always feel quite melancholy when we go to Canteen because this was the place I used to hide out in when we first arrived in Noosa. Not really hide because no-one knew me to look for me. Hide I suppose so it wasn’t obvious how lost I was. Or lonely. Or how invisible I felt. We weren’t set up at the house yet and Canteen is long and narrow and dark and cosy and at the back are computers you can use at your leisure as long as you order a coffee. Well, order anything. If any of you got those early I’m ok, I promise I’m ok emails, which I hope you never really believed, well they were from Canteen. Anyway, I think I felt a little of this emotion today, in fact I know I did, cos I always do. Then I checked my facebook, only cos Kate checked hers and we were waiting for our coffee and milkshake and anyway we’d been chatting non stop all morning so we had nothing left to say to each other. I read a status update from the Matt Golinski tribute page (for those of you who don’t know about Matt, he is a local hero and chef who tragically lost his wife and three daughters to an horrific house fire) which was in essence a plea for people to support an initiaitve to provide solace to those lonely or isolated, mostly the aged, by writing letters. Just a newsy chit chat letter from a stranger. With or without a reply address. Just an act of reaching out and making a difference to someone. Kate asked what I was reading so I started reading it to her and started crying. She said mom it is sad and you should write but stop crying now, its ok. And it’s embarrassing. It was but it just breaks my heart. That someone is so sad. And lonely. And that it can take so little to make someone smile. Just the act of someone seeing them. Even just a stranger. I think thats what really set me off. Because I know how sore it is not to be seen. And my guilt at knowing how much easier it is sometimes not to see someone. And my guilt at being away. And maybe I do need to up my meds. Anyway I’m going to write some letters. Maybe you want to too.

1 thought on “blubbering

  1. From facebook

    Jo-Ann Adams, Michelle Taylor and 6 others like this.

    Tamara Ogilvy It’s interesting… there is a strong sense of isolation around a lot of individuals (including me) at the moment. disconnected and detached. it is lonely. Thanks for sharing Lianne Cawood
    June 25 at 6:59pm · Like · 2

    Lisa Fourie Agh Lianne … Sending you a huge hug. I can so relate to this. Although I have a beautiful hub and son and caring genuine friends; and I live in the most amazing part of the world; sometimes it just feels like something isn’t quite right ~ Something is missing and I can feel so lonely at times. It drives me insane because we have so much to be grateful for. I have also found that I hurt more lately for others when they are sad or distressed or feeling immense pain. Particularly in the last few years really since my sister passed away. I wonder if it stems from that sense of missing our roots and not feeling like we truly belong. It’s crazy hey? Thank you for writing this amazing blog (another one I can so relate to). But maybe it’s just I’m getting older cause I feel sad at tv shows more or status updates or even when a friend is sad. I hope you feel
    up again soon xo
    June 25 at 7:37pm via mobile · like · 2

    Samantha Yates Schroeder Aahahhhhh I feel it too….. I try everyday to smile at everyone…. To let them know.. “I see you & i care… ” xx
    June 25 at 7:55pm via mobile · like · 1

    Lianne Cawood Hey you lovely ladies … thank you for sharing your empathy and compassion … agree Tam, to the feeling of being lonely yet not being alone. Feeling detached. Maybe we’re just growing up? Realising who is truly there. Truly. Whilst community and friendship is good and so very necessary, we need to be good with just ourselves. Lisa, i so relate to all you said, it drives me insane too, we do have so much, sooo much. I think the lesson is to stop looking elsewhere for a sense of belonging, of completeness, to just look within us. And know how everyone in some way(even if they don’t acknowledge it) feels the same and just to share our love. Like you just did. xxx
    June 26 at 11:04am · Like · 3

    Janine Daniels Hey, I know that feeling 🙂 I also know that you could never, ever be invisible. Your soul shines too brightly xxx
    June 26 at 5:07pm via mobile · Like

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