addict

Approval Addiction is the title of a book my friend gave me to read. She wasn’t trying to tell me something. It’s something we recognise in each other. Seems like such a harsh word, addiction. Am I an addict? I like approval. We all do, if we’re honest. But am I that dependent. That needy. The more I read the more I recognised myself. And I never got past the first two chapters. Because I stopped. Because I’m not. I am not that dependent. Not anymore. I talk a lot about respect and honesty but my other big thing is fear. Fear is the thing. It strangles us. It makes us make the wrong choices or none at all. Books like this exist because of our fear. The world is as it is because of fear. It is what feeds my need for approval. The fear of not being liked, the fear of not being taken seriously, the fear of offending, the fear of being anonymous, the fear of failure, the fear of being ignored, the fear of being alone, the fear of illness, the fear of being destitute. The fear of death. Of late I’ve pissed a lot of people off because I don’t care so much anymore. I can’t pretend anymore so you’ll like me. I like me. And I’m truly not afraid. Maybe the book is not so relevant to me anymore. So, I will not be ending this post with my name is Lianne Cawood and I am an approval addict. Not anymore.

3 thoughts on “addict

  1. If only it was that easy we would all make that change. The mood and cockiness will pass and you might even read the third chapter c

    • Hey Jo. It isn’t that easy. We all have our own sorts of hell, but finally at 46 I believe its a choice. And my mood will change and I will wobble because thats life. But I am more aware of why I do the things I do and am choosing not to. And I really don’t mean to be cocky, this book will help many, but Chapter 3 is about conforming … and that will never be me. xxx

  2. From facebook

    Charmaine Devitt Lianne, you so obviously have a flair for writing. I say this because I really enjoy reading your daily posts. I have further confirmation of this…because I actually look for you every day. I like your style. I find it interesting, honest and raw. I don’t mean ‘uncooked’ and I believe so many women identify with so many of your colorful descriptions. “it is what it is”. Good on ya or ya mate or just you:). Back in South Africa so I don’t have to use any Aussiesms yet.
    Friday at 6:19am · Unlike · 1

    Lianne Cawood Charmaine, thank you for this …and good on you will do … haven’t got used to the women calling women mate yet, never mind the men calling women mate especially when we are all strangers (jislaaik). Please promise me you will be in touch when you are back here … i would love to get together … xx
    Friday at 11:48am · Like

    Charmaine Devitt Of course I will. That would be awesome:)
    Friday at 11:33pm · Unlike · 1

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