eighty six

10 April. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to enjoy a spectacular offering of The Phantom of the Opera with my family. And in particular my girls. I loved how moved they were by it, but even more so by the empathy and compassion shown by Kate at the young man begging in the street on a cold night with only a blanket for company as we left the theatre. At the unfairness of it all. At the sad jolt of reality. I only wished I could find the words to stop her tears. It is just not right.


No-one said it was going to be easy. To be the mother of a teenager. And I am keeping it in perspective. I am.  But this was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. And exactly what I knew was going to happen.  And exactly what I told myself I had to step back from and let happen. My baby being hurt and let down by some little prick. I know she believed he was more than he was capable of being right now, but he should never have let her believe it. I do have compassion for this boy, because he is going through some serious stuff right now. Far too heavy for a boy of his age, let alone a girl of Kate’s age and sensitivity to be dealing with.  I think he gets this and wants to protect her from it but is incapable of treating her with the respect she deserves. Well, I hope he gets this. Or of understanding how much true compassion and empathy she has.  He couldn’t have wished to have a more perfect angel at his side right now, but he has no idea how broad and beautiful her wings are. He has no idea how to lean on her.  And nor does she know truly what she has. But I see it, fuck do I see it.  Maybe I should thank him for not forcing her to find out just yet. She gave him chance after chance after chance to be the man I think he is down deep inside.To be the person she saw he was, or is going to be. He made her happy, but he also made her sad. So very very sad. And for that I’d like to wring his neck. And mine and B’s, for knowing we were right to forbid it, but didn’t, because we knew it was her choice to make.


I am grateful that there were two cars between me and the little maroon number who sneaked into the gap left for cars coming and going from prep at pickup today.  Grateful because it gave me time to practice my patience and tolerance and compassion and not blast my horn at them. I am sure they had a good reason.