type

These bloody checkups come round fast and consistently. Thankfully but also with a tinge of what the fuck. Is this how I measure the passage of time now. From surgery date to surgery date from oncologist appointment to oncologist appointment from script renewal to script renewal from blood test to blood test. Bloody hell. So, last oncology check up happened last week. I have reverted to type as in I do it because I must but it never instills fear or trepidation. In the same way I pop my aromasin like its panadol and then wonder why I feel so shite most of the time. Must be menopause, or old age. Anyhoo having a general chit chat with my oncologist, I mentioned B always comments on how I complain of headaches every morning, was wondering aloud at how bad my eyes have got when before I know it, I’m whipped off to have a brain scan. What the fuck? And that wasn’t the worst part, the worst part was that they couldn’t get a fucking vein to play along to inject the contrast dye. I had my scan with tears pouring down my stay very still face. Not due to the pain, nor due to fear, but due to that moment that has happened so much in my life when I am oblivious just before it all goes pear shaped. Was this another of those moments? Thank fuck not. So all I got out of this and its heaps is that, apart from my veins being fucked and that some phlebotomists are so much better than others or that I’m right to wince anytime someone suggests taking blood, but more that I am so justified in living in oblivion. Because each and every moment is a new one and who knows what the next one holds, so live it and love it and rejoice in the not knowing. Your worst fear may not come to pass, so don’t live life as if it will. Live life as if it won’t. And if it does, deal with that then. Oh and if you ever have to undergo chemotherapy and they strongly suggest a portacath. Take it.

2 thoughts on “type

  1. I really wish I was able to magically appear beside you this evening so we could have a chat, of course, over a drink (scotch for me and something more fabulous for you), go for a walk, laugh a lot and probably be a bit tearful too. All that so I could tell you, “you are one amazing woman and I admire you so very much”.
    Love
    janineallem

  2. From facebook

    Ilona Schreuder Glad all is well my friend – thanks for sharing
    Lianne Cawood Seriously Ilona as soon as B calms down a bit, he is so hectic, we must do our belated annual catch up!!!!!β™₯️
    Ilona Schreuder Lianne I concur 😘😘😘😘

    Alison Newby Fletcher Another masterpiece! Can only relate! Coincidentally, my checkup was today!!
    Lianne Cawood Phewww hey β™₯️

    Yvette Puchert 😘😘😘❀️❀️❀️😘😘😘

    Nadja O’Keeffe Yayyyyyyy- You are one beautiful inspiration – THANK YOU!πŸ™ πŸ’—

    Adrienne Hoberman πŸ’œπŸ’œ

    Charmaine Devitt πŸ’

    Kath Anderson πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€

    Cathy Raggett πŸ’œx

    Deborah MacCourt Roberts β™₯️😘😘😘

    Carolien Bosman ❀️

    Shea Albert One day at a time. One moment at a time. Live it then you will have lived everything. Present.
    Lianne Cawood Love this Shea. And you. xx

    Ahimsamurti Nicole Kretzschmar Jeez Lianne Cawood – flip this is not an easy road. Keep the courage and serenity Dear One πŸ’•πŸ˜˜

    Anna Macklin Imagining those tears…..and thinking yup oblivion is the way to go. ❣️❣️❣️
    Lianne Cawood It is hey!? It allows us to genuinely be present to the moment not the what if! ❀️

    Lianne Cawood Thanks for the love.β™₯️

    Jennifer Montgomery Spotts ❀️❀️❀️

    Lynn Loopuyt Barker β™‘ #liveitandloveit #liveitlikeitwont #walkingyourtalk #inawe #inspired #hugerespect

    Theresa Milne Ah. Deep breaths out. Happy can re-commence. Big hugs xx

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